Outside the window...

A new year has come..

2009-01-09T00:36:00.000-08:00

2008 was more than eventful! It was so full of wonderful, exciting and out-of-the-world moments... Just that it had so many things I wanted to write about but before I could write about one, the something better came.. so.. I give up trying to write anything about the year that was one of the most magical years in my life...

There was a new style of poetry I found myself experimenting.. so here are two samples from poems I managed to pen... Comments are most welcome!

I stand..

Fast lanes
Cross-roads
Everyone walking past
Everything changing
I stand- frozen
Sinking into a moment long gone
I stand- lost
Holding on to something that has moved on
I stand- waiting
To be back to the place where I think I belong
I stand- holding
Just the thought, that it wouldn’t be too long!

You and Me

The still moon
The restless clouds
The serene oak
Its dancing leaves
The clear pond
The scented breeze
The night becomes
You And Me!

And... I had the chance to see this really cute poem by someone.. If the poet gives me permission.. I shall reveal the name :D

Ode to Gmail

O simple, sincere, kindly soul
Who drew us close and made us whole,
O Google Mail, so prompt and dear,
How glad I am to have you near!

What joy I savour every time
My speaker rings with your sweet chime!
To my sore eyes how fair a sight
Her name is, next to your green light!

My trusted friend, my messenger,
The faithful bridge 'twixt me and her,
Are you a tunnel that takes love through,
Or is my first love really you?

Incomplete!!

2008-05-20T09:29:00.000-07:00

Rules:
1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY?

"Against all odds"- Mariah Carey...

hmmm... Makes sense... most things are ok.. against all odds

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

"Poongaatru un per solla"- Vetri Vizha

Wow... so romantic!! I'm starting to like this!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

"Koncha neram"- Chandramukhi

Obvi.. I like my guy to be a total romantic too! Woaah!

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

"Akkam Pakkam"- Kireedom

I am surprised at how much sense this game can make... I really wanted some time off alone today!

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?

"Sundari neeyum"- Micheal Madhana KamaRajan

Puhleezz... Gujaals aa irukaradhu mattume en vaaazhkaiyin kurikol illa!!! :D

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

"Love is all"- Air Supply

Now this is a totally freaky coincidence! My motto generally is "Love is all we need".. Amazing

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

"Yaaro Yaarukkul"- Chennai 28

I am totally freaking out! enna oru amazing coincidence again!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

"Born to Try"- Delta Goodrem

Enna kodumai saar idhu?!!

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

"Raindrops keep falling on my head"- B.J Thomas

Errr.... I dont see any connection here!

WHAT IS 2+2?

"Unnai Kandene"-Parijatham

Now this makes sense ;) (fellow perverts... up to u to get it!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

"Enthan Nenjil"- Kalaingan

Dhuja dearest... sandhoshama!

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"Unnodu Vaazhatha"- Amarkalam

Ssssuppppppeeerrrr :D

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

he he he... this was pretty good!! infact COOL!

"All that Jazz"- Catherine Zeta Jones- Chicago

Couldnt have had a better song!

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

"Thoongaatha vizhigal"- Agni Natchatram

Mission Impossible!!! Totally!

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"Something beautiful"- Robbie Williams

Bingo!! I seem to be getting a decent answer for most of the koschins!

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

"Nee oru Kaadhal Sangeetham"- Nayagan

Woah!! This happens to be the first duet my parents sang together soon after their wedding, in a medical conference... And I was their first anniversary gift! (I was born a week before their first wedding anniversary!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

"All the way"- Celine Dion and Frank Sinatra

I will.... I most certainly will... if the guy is ok with it... I'll atleast sing this song for him... Please let the next song be something absurd or people may think I'm cheating!

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

"Saroja saamaan nikalo"- Chennai 28

**blinks hard** not bad!

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

"Un per solla aasai"- Hariharan

If I find the love of my life.. I can consider this hobby as a full time profession.. but first... get me the name!!

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

"Inji Idupazhaga"- Devarmagan

he he he.... **blush**

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

"Brighter than Sunshine"- Aqualung

I seriously do... You guys rock!!

(please let the next song be something wierd and not make sense.. This is way too freaky!)

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?

This is ultimately hilarious in my opinion! Great parting shot!

"Incomplete"- Backstreet Boys

I had a great time doing this... Helped me have alot of fun... I was totally honest but the coincidences were too good.. maybe my playlist is mostly soul and country music and old melodies.. songs with lyrics that actually make sense and have a nice meaning... The next time I try this.. It'll be with a more assorted playlist.. And yeah... thanks Kesh for giving me the idea through your blog!

Herez the tagging part...

Dhuja, PA, Mighty Mani and Abi are tagged... have fun!

An arbit esoteric letter

2008-04-18T05:03:00.000-07:00

Dear YOU……,

I haven’t written a letter in a very long time. I know I must conventionally start it with a “How are you?” as I intend to make this a conventional letter, but then again, I haven’t gone past that question in the past few months. Not that I don’t have anything more to ask. On the contrary, I’m so full of questions. Questions to which I’m ready to face the answers. Questions that can be answered only by you. But I’d rather let them go unvoiced. For I know you’d choose to ignore them, the way you ignore anything that concerns me.

I don’t have to explain why I did things the way I did them. I found them fit and I’m sure you don’t care. Saves a lot of meaningless words. Saves me the trouble of mailing you this letter and wishing you’d read it. You might ask me, if ever you read this, why I bothered to pen such an esoteric letter and blog it. Its simply because I wanted to. You’d never realize how happy it makes me to do just what I want to do, and not care how you’d feel about it. I’ve tried and tried real hard, to be accepted by you, to be someone you like, to be told that I’m liked and at one point of life, that was all that I ever wanted. At some point, hopes do die, wishes do crumble and people do change.

Trust me, this is not one of my usual hate mails, for I don’t hate you. Surprisingly, hate comes with understanding, just as love, and I feel I’ve never known you, let alone understand you enough to hate you. Indifference works. A lesson I learnt from you, the hard way. I don’t blame myself either. I was stuck with an illusion and that is very human.

Even if given another chance, I cannot be someone who is not me, to get back all that I’ve lost.

Sorry.

With no love lost,
………………. ME

Melodrama

2008-03-30T04:59:00.000-07:00

If you are backing off from reading this post after reading the title… Wait ho!! I don’t really blame you coz the last few posts of mine have been too melodramic (A critic rightly pointed out… I’ve could have been the script writer for a Lindsay Lohan movie!) The whole mess was because I was rather taking myself too seriously and thankfully I am too nauseated now looking at my own crappy posts that I decided the “wacky one” should be back…Then again don’t you think that the melodrama is out of my life… Its just I’ve started to use it in some odd places that have given me the kicks (figuratively and literally).

I came up with a new torture scheme to pain people big time… simply coz I am too bored! (*evil grin*) There are standard ‘don’ts’ to observe when talking with some people and they become stronger ‘don’ts’ if the person whom you converse with doesn’t believe in anything more than monosyllabic responses and become superlative ‘don’ts’ when he/she happens to totally feel uncomfortable with the very idea of conversing with you… So all we have to do is to do the don’ts! The starters include being clingy, almost on the verge of tears, taking offence at whatever the opponent says, using as many “LOLs and LMAOs” as possible in totally awkward places, asking inane questions, using the worst PJs you can come up with and finally dragging the non-existent conversation to a point where the opponent’s normal monosyllabic replies turn to good old silence(maybe slamming down of the phone if it’s a phone conversation). The trick is to raise your level of melodrama very slowly (learn it from the operas… start low and end big!) … You could go up to any level depending on your creativity…After the mentioned starters, you could pretend to be drunk, or maybe prophetize the armageddon, or start using some arbit tear-jerker serial’s dialogues but just make sure you appear totally melodramic and that the objective isn’t too obvious! Most of the opponents don’t survive for more than fifteen minutes…If they do… Move on to the next level in which you actually show no mercy… So start weeping out loud, mumbling things incoherently, sing a birthday song if you want to (just make sure you’re still crying while you are singing) or if you want to be totally wacky…do a remix of one of your old favorites the way these desi music directors do them and the rendition should be done while laughing or crying hysterically!
I did forget to mention that this scheme should be used only on
1) People who find indulging in good-natured friendly bantering much beneath them and express their disgust openly about the people who do indulge in them.
2) People whose lives are as spiced up as a loaf of whole wheat bread sans any accompaniments (trust me… you are doing them a favor)
3) People who have this delightful distaste for you (bah… there is no love lost anyways!)
Come to think of it… It is infact one of the most entertaining and harmless ways of getting back at a person who has pained you in the past… Just make sure that you have your sense of humor on the high and don’t do it if you’d feel bad incase they ignore you… So next time you feel very angry or depressed, try this out… it helps!

By the way, I just came across this piece of information. It is proved mathematically that we have 90% probability of breathing atleast one molecule of air that Julius Cesar breathed nearly 2 milleniums ago! (now I know whom to blame for this wretched cold I’ve caught!)

Wisdom....gained!

2008-03-08T03:35:00.000-08:00

Feels good to have the time to write something, and I don’t know when I would get the time to do this next. I am really wondering how I became so busy all of a sudden. Infact its been weeks since I had a long leisurely chat with my close buddies. This is not the only reason why I stopped writing. I lacked a muse! Whatever I wrote were just a group of words that were forced from a pen! Time has helped me find a new muse… not as strong as the one I lost, nevertheless a muse! And here are some random thoughts…

When I really felt that the poetess and the kid in me were dead, I met this absolute stranger who gave me hope of rejuvenating them! So here I am attempting at poetry to dedicate to the kid I saw in a bus…

Your smile- its brilliance
Made me forget that we were strangers
Your eyes holding the invite
To look into them and see
That child inside me…
We played a game
Hide and seek
Someday you’d learn that life
Was just a tougher version
Of that same game…
But that moment
I didn’t care about reality
About those funny stares
Those un-raised questions
About the next moment…
For all I wanted to live then
Was the game we played!

Talking about kids, I discovered yet again that wisdom often comes from the mouth of a kid! I am not sure if the person who spoke these lines thought of them himself, or read them somewhere, but I am sure he’d not like being alluded to as a kid! I’m sorry for that… I somehow don’t feel he is a grown up… When talking about someone he said, “Do you know why he is single? That’s because he gives something of himself to everyone but not everything to someone!”…The irony is that a friend of mine asked me the question “Why am I single?” to fill up some contest paper… But it really started a train of thoughts that lead me far from the “George-Clooney-has-not said-yes-yet!” answer I gave her…and Lo! This kid comes up with a fantastic answer(though he was talking about someone else)… It couldn’t be more fitting… I do give something of myself to everyone but I’ve never felt like even being completely me with anyone… That answered another very important question in that had been in my mind for a really long time… Why I never felt very close with anyone… That is because I’ve never given everything to someone! Maybe I’m scared to be completely myself and be hated for that… Maybe I want to make sure that the person is capable of handling it… Maybe I want to test if the person is worthy of getting to know me completely… People here who want to argue that you can never get to know a person completely, I must say you are right because even we don’t know ourselves completely… What I am talking about here is the comfort to express my every thought, not having to fear that I would be judged or hated…The freedom to probe into their lives and the trust to let them probe into mine as much as they want to… I realized that I’m insecure when it comes to any relationship, and the more meaningful it gets, the more insecure I get! So as a defense mechanism, unconsciously I make sure mutual hatred develops when I start liking a person a lot! I’ve hurt some really nice people because of this…and I’m glad some of them decided to still put up with me! Kudos to you all!

And as another friend of mine said, after a very beautiful miracle that made him believe in miracles, “Life is a complicated plot… We’re seeing small portions of it everyday… But even then, sometimes we can’t believe how beautiful it is… I can wait for an eternity to see the whole story!”

Moving on...

2008-01-25T10:48:00.000-08:00

Life is all about moving on. A lesson that every passing second seems to whisper in our ears. A truth we forget during those bittersweet moments where we thought time stood still, those moments when life seemed to freeze and we wished it would stay so for eternity. And when these moments pass, we wake up to reality with a feeling of having been woken up with a douse of very cold water. It hurts… but it proves again that life is all about moving on…

Love, just makes the whole thing more painful. Aren’t there times we cursed ourselves for having loved something too much? And aren’t these the times when we try to let them go? The times when we have to move on? Time and time alone heals these wounds…coz like it or not, we keep moving on.

I let go of that which made my yesterday beautiful, that which left my heart bleeding today and that which I may never think of tomorrow. I burn with it, all those memories, of tears and smiles, of mirth and melancholy, of the most subtle things to the deepest promises…everything that was.. and that will never be…

I let go.. with a tear at the corner of my eye, and a faint smile tugging my lips….. I am moving on….

Dusting!

2007-11-14T02:55:00.000-08:00

I see my window has been closed for quite some time.. Not that I'd been very busy or anything.. Just that I was a little too lazy to sit and pen my thoughts.. Not that I'm gonna write anything useful either. Just some random musings before I close my window again with a "Not to be opened till Christmas" sign.. Thank GRE for that!

Though I'm supposed have been revising for my semester exams(bah!) from morn, I managed to watch this really cute movie "Aquamarine".. The theme was deceivingly childish.. A mermaid, with the help of two teens, tries to find true love in 3 days!! I thought it was one more of those ridiculous nevertheless entertainly teen flicks.. I admit I was wrong... The movie seemed so in touch with reality, and was so not the usual hollywood masala (yeah.. the guy the mermaid seeks to find true love with doesnt fall in love with her as we all expect, and the movie ends unexpectedly in a beautiful way!) One of the most beautiful dialogues in the film.. or rather one of the best I've ever heard is this.. (the teen tells the mermaid) "You know why we humans go so crazy about love?.. because its the closest thing we have to magic!" Beaut or what?!

I've been exposed to alot of contrasts of late... At one extreme, I was suffocating with the milk of human kindness that seemed to flow so subtly yet so strong from a few people and at the other end, I was shocked by the stark indifference people can extend to those who love them.. May be becoz of this 'weathering' effect or simply becoz I'm bored of being the "nice" kid, I noticed that I've become a little sarcastic (understatement!) and bitchy these days with a noticable reduction in my tolerance level.. Ofcourse I'm not that way with everyone but just with a few unfortunate souls who rub me the wrong way.. And as a result of that... here I am (trying hard to avoid the choicest swear) wishing that a particular pal (?!!) of mine could rot in Hell for being the insolent and irritating jerk he was, having made me waste time in the past and even recently trying to help him! (you know who you are!) Just wanted to declare that I'm totally annoyed and that I regret for ever having known such a nice chap!

Being one of the few remaining singles in my friends circle burdens me with this awful responsibility of throwing some gems of knowledge to the irresponsible committed junta(copmrises aboout 98% of them)..
1) Its not so "uncool" to be single, so please don't go tut tuting and pitying the singles around you, thereby making a bigger fool of yourself
2) We all know that the world revolves only around you two.. Then why the hell do you pull some innocent people into it and cause a big commotion.. Stick to your fantasies and we'll stick on to our lives.
3)If you really feel the rest of us are missing out something great, try not to flaunt your affection by displaying it in public, or ooze in your mobiles.. By doing these you just let us know, we are just missing out on being totally irritating!
God bless you all! Bless us more for having to put up with u!
4) We care about the problems of some near and dear ones, whose tales of woe we listen to with genuine worry and try solving their relationship problems.. This doesnt mean that we singles are just there to be universal agony aunts/uncles.. We will lend our ears and shoulders to those who matter.. and not to everyone!

Good or bad.. changes are inevitable and I'm surfing in the waves of life.. with nothing but uncertainity! Pray for my GRE score to be decent people.. not that it'd guarantee certainity but atleast it wouldn't worsen my uncertainity!

Yesterday.....

2007-09-23T06:49:00.000-07:00

I went to sleep last night
With a dream of tomorrow
This morning... I woke up in the same bed
In the same room.. but wait
Everything else had changed
I looked a little older..
Could I have grown up so much in a day?
The dream I slept with yesterday
Was the nightmare I had woken up to
I panic!
I call the number that I've called so often
Familiar voice, unfamiliar person
She had also changed...
I rush out to meet the world...
The world I thought I belonged to...
Only to find that I am a stranger...
The crush I had a day before
Was nowhere in my mind today
The friend I'd shared days with
Was just another person of yesterday..
I scream in silence.. so no one notices
But even if they did.. Would they care?
I dare not ask questions...
The answers may be too much for me to take..
I sleep...
Wishing to wake up to.... yesterday!

Weird me!

2007-07-21T03:17:00.000-07:00

I don’t know how I can restrict to 8 weird things about me when everything about me is weird… But having been tagged by Harini… here goes…

8) Time and again I fall in love with some fictitious character.. The list is really long but Ivan (Ukrainian tales), Fredrick aka Fatty (Five Find-Outers), Julian (Famous Five), Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Sherlock Holmes are some of the characters I have a huge crush on!

7) I always learn a twisted process faster. Like back-hand in tennis or shuttle and back- stroke in swimming. Both my tennis and swimming coaches have told my parents that this was very weird!

6) I have very unpredictable and extreme mood swings.. One instant I’d be sobbing my heart out and the next I’d be laughing like nothing happened! And yeah.. I cry when I’m angry!

5) Whenever I’m nervous, my mind never registers what I’m doing.. I would spend an hour or two talking to some person who gives me the jitters and still not remember a word of the conversation at the end of it!

4) I start singing suddenly, a little loud at times, which kinda freaks out people, especially during the lab or classes..

3) I slap myself on the cheek whenever I do some major mistake!

2) I talk a lot to myself.. and sometimes I get so engrossed in the conversation that the rest of the world is totally blocked out! I’m my own imaginary friend!

1) I love to play really stupid pranks on people… This is something I cant elaborate on.. sorry!

Vacation musings!

2007-06-26T22:59:00.000-07:00

Having gone Trans-Atlantic alone and with just a week to lose my teen status... here are some random musings!

When you are sitting in a flight wide awake with some 10 hours to reach your destination, with not-so-interesting in-flight music and movies, mild nausea, an impending threat of missing your connecting flight, a snoring and boring person next to you and absolutely nothing to do... you know how lonely you can feel..

After this, when you step out of the flight and rush out to be greeted by your family... you know what relief is...

When you get hugged by your sibling whom you've missed fighting and conspiring with for the past 2 weeks (who'd never hug you under normal circumstances!) you'll know how it feels to smile and cry at the same time!

When you step into Disney World... you'll see yourself transforming into a kid... involuntarily maybe but certainly!

When you fall asleep in a van with your favorite music playing, after a great day in a park and three siblings already sleeping in your lap and shoulder... you'll get to experience the warmth of true content!

When you see the mechanical life of people in the US, you do thank your Gods for giving you the time to enjoy the small pleasures in life..

When you are in the Maid of the Mist boat in Niagara, in the middle of the Horseshoe Falls... You experience one of the amazing wonders of Nature to the fullest!

When you look out of the window in your plane and enjoy the eagle's view of the city/town... you do tend to feel that you are at the top of the world (figuratively and literally!)

Whenever a souvenir catches your eye, the person whom you want to give it to also flashes in your mind!

When you see how different and indifferent a kid you loved has grown, you feel cold even at 90 degrees Fahrenheit!

When you go in a convertible at night in Manhattan downtown.. you get a picture of what the future world might be!

When you travel in the upper open deck of the tourist bus, you get the 4-D experience of NY in you

To beat this, all you have to do is take a subway train!

You get sick of pizzas and fries after a week of eating nothing but them!

When you land in Chennai after just 3 weeks of being out of the country, you'll find that dirt and garbage strewn here and there will irritate you..

When you get back to your house, you'll get this sense-of-belonging... Yeah! I realized there is no place I'd feel this comfortable!

Face my music

2007-05-19T07:00:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to try this out... My mic was bad and I didnt have a karoake player(I'd rather not talk about how my voice is!)... Do hear it and post ur comments..Click on the qidget and wait for some time for the disaster to play!

yamunai.wav

The "Missing" mania

2007-05-14T10:11:00.001-07:00

The reason why I'm writing this post at some 10:30 in the night when I would generally be crashing is that.. I just want to get this off my mind... I hate missing anything..people, things..anything!! For some people 'missing' is this slightly melancholy feeling that occasionally troubles them.. For some others 'missing' is the craving for something, craving filled with pain, so much pain that you really can't share unless you have someone who'd patiently hear you weeping and not ask a thing... I am one among the latter... Right now I feel so down.... I miss my parents and sister.. Miss being with them in US.. Both combined together is this devastating feeling of being lonely.. Maternal and Paternal grandparents have been extra nice to me.. taking care of my every whim and fancy when all I could do is put up a pretense of being ok.. I hate myself every time I lose my temper with these sweet old people who despite their age, do so much to keep me comfortable... I miss the old me, the brighter more pleasant and sweeter me, who'd never dream of letting the steam out infront of my grandparents!! Last summer, under similar circumstances, I never felt this uneasy.. Maybe coz I had someone to keep me on my toes... I miss that person.. To people who know me, they know who I'm talking about.. For the rest of you.. It’s not really necessary to know.. This someone had spent so much of money and time to make sure I felt good.. Lent me shoulders to weep on.. Scolded me as much as mom would for wasting time before exams.. and cared for me the way a sibling would.. and those 10 cold days.. this person's care was my blanket.. But now I am not in touch with this person.. We've almost become strangers... I don’t blame the person coz I know its just the circumstances.. I miss this person badly now! I miss some bad old days, when I was content cribbing and crying alone in the dark if I felt bad.. Now I seek the attention and care of another person.. When I don't get it.. I feel miserable!! Picking up my phone and searching the three hundred odd contacts, I can put down the names of 5 people to whom I could call and cry, and who would ofcourse listen to me patiently.. But the point is.. Am I not being selfish?? I've done this so many times to them.. They don’t deserve to be agonized by my misery.. So I stop myself from spoiling their moods... That no way clears mine! I don’t know why missing one thing leads to missing so many things.. I've turned crazy.. I've started missing everything I'd almost forgotten.. My old friends, the old house of my grandparents, my old toys..and what not!! And this culminates into an ocean of depression that seems to drag me in.. Only some good sleep and the impending threat of my 5 remaining exams get me out of this for a while!

If anyone is reading this.. your thoughts right now would be.. "Why is she over-reacting?"- I'm sorry.. I just couldn't help it! and this will lead to the question- "Why blog all this crap?"- I know its wrong to throw open my silly emotions in public, but hey, I just felt like standing atop a hill and shouting this out.. I guess my blog would be almost equal to that.. The action helps relieve you, while you dont really care who heard you and who didn't.. at the same time, if some kind passerby does hear you out.. you'd certainly want to say this to them "God bless you!"

Unspoken words!

2007-05-09T03:02:00.000-07:00

I've never spoken in some "interesting" conversations in my life the way I wanted to... Just putting up a few..

These are common conversations.. I get to go through these thrice a year atleast ever since I joined college!

Mr/Mrs X: Do you know 'so-n-so' from your coll?
Me : Which year and dept.. uncle/aunty??(Maybe I do, maybe I don't.. and I really don't give a shit)
Mr/Mrs X: Hmmm... IT..no CSE..Not very sure.. Maybe EEE... I think he/she must be in the second..no.. third...maybe fourth year!
Me : Oh! not really sure uncle/aunty.. will try to find out *polite smile* (Hey.. you could have mentioned all the eleven depts in my coll, why even some 20-30 colls in the country.. if you've no clue what that loser does or where he/she is.. then better not talk about him/her)

A relative: So which course have you taken?
Me : Instrumentation ( I know now why you haven't found anyone else to talk to.. Ask the same question everytime you meet a person.. you'll be termed "plague"!)The relative: So how is the scope for your course?
Me : Its pretty good uncle/aunty..(And what if its not? are you gonna get me a job?)
The relative: You should read very hard and save your family's name.. This is the least you could do to compensate for not being a doctor!
Me: :Sure.. I will try my best!(Yeah.. thanks for such a worthless piece of advice...Throw more of these on the ground and they'd become natural manure!)

Another relative: Ah! you are next in line!
(in a wedding)
Me : I'm just 19 uncle/aunty...I've my UG to finish and PG to work on.. Might take another 5-6 years easily! (Next in line?? To what?? Jumping off the cliff? No way)
The relative : That'll make you 25! half a grandma!
Me (clearly uneasy): I guess right now I dont really have any fixed plans.. Just want to finish my studies...Haven't given a thought about all this (Half-a-grandma?? WTF do you think you are you old fart?)
The relative : Good! Get married soon after UG and then go to US with your husband.. See my daughter.. She is now a happy green-card holder!
Me(very uneasy now): *smile*(Get this straight you ass.. I'm still a kid.. I know what I want and when I want it.. Green-card is not my idea of a great life.. I still don't see how you got married anyways! Must have been the greatest tragedy in your husband's/wife's life!)

Some guys can be real jerks...

Jerk: Do you know "some-arbit-girl"?
Me : I guess I know her...
Jerk: What is her character like?
Me: I don't really know her that well (and even if I did.. I dont have to tell you.. So what if she is a dirty,slimy,bitchy low-life?? You are worse!)

Jerk2: You are Y's friend right?
Me : Yeah!
Jerk2: We need to talk
Me : Ok (?????????)
Jerk2: You might think I'm mad... But I'm deeply in love with Y.. I want you to understand that!
Me : Huh?? (I know for sure that you are mad now! Why are you telling me your sob story? I dont even know you!)
Jerk2: You must talk to her about this and make her understand!
Me : *silent* (I will definitely talk to her.. tell her that you are the last person she should be seen with)Jerk2: Please sister.. Help me
Me :*silent*(If I had a brother like you.. I'd have shot him dead myself.. Buzz off!)

Other common orkut questions like "Can we have friendship?".."Shall we friends?" really draw the choicest swear out of my keyboard.. At times I think a basic English course should be undertaken by these jerks!

And this conversation took place recently... I really wish I answered the way I should have!

My parents' friend(hoping to embarass me): My daughter says you know most of the guys in college.. Is that true??
Me(smiling) : She must have been joking! (You must ask you daughter how well she knows this chap 'X'... I guess they know each other pretty well coz I see them hanging around in the canteen and the road side benches very often!!)

The Real You

2007-05-05T06:50:00.000-07:00

You always want to see the "real" person that your loved one is.. Its an insatiable quest.. You sometimes ask them "Who are you? I mean the real you!"... I kept asking that too... Till I read the following lyrics and till I experienced a couple of things

Well we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on

Well we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell
Why were you so surprised
That you never saw the stranger
Did you ever let your lover see
The stranger in yourself?

How could we show others what we never see or never admit.. even to ourselves?
If we showed them the stranger in us.. would they accept him/her?

What if they accept the stranger but we still fail to accept that part of ourself? It still breaks the relationship!

So.. I guess the only thing I want from a person I love is to be what he/she is most comfortable in being.. when he/she is with me...

I dont have the need to see the real you... coz reality is something that never exists beyond your mind!
Reality is what I believe is true.. and that really doesn't depend on you!

Discoveries...

2007-05-01T05:39:00.000-07:00

I was told as a kid that when you love something or someone.. I should be proving my love every second for all my life in every way I could..

But I discovered on my own that

Indifference........

...........Increases infatuation
...........Diminishes friendship
...........Doesn't have any effect on true love!

I was told as a kid that crying was a sign of weakness....

But now I discovered that

Crying.......

.............is a sign of deep care to the one you love
.............is a harmless release for the pent up frustration and anger
.............is a plea of helplessness to the one whose attention you want
.............is the flag of truce after a fight.. it is surrendering wholly
.............is my own sweet way of saying "I miss/love/want you" when I really mean it!

I was told as a kid that dreaming was one of the greatest gifts given to a child...

But now I discovered that

Dreaming........

............is a life boat given to mankind to escape the cruelties of reality
............is the one place from where all good things originate!
More discoveries would continue in the days to come......

Funny world!

2007-04-25T01:50:00.000-07:00

Sometimes people are funny... very funny

They wish to destroy things that have never been built
They cry coz they've lost something that never belonged to them
They complain that you've changed.. when they never knew the real person
They want to get back.. when your heart is too broken to take anyone in
They dream of happiness and lose precious opportunities to get it
They look for peace everywhere but within
They believe that when they hurt you.. it hurts very little!
They ask you to understand them but they never hear you out

But the best thing is..

They say they empathize with you.. Thats the funniest lie ever!

Funny world.. Cruelly funny world!

God-in the smallest thing..

2007-04-22T03:17:00.000-07:00

The result of a Sunday afternoon chat with Thatha and Dad... It started off with Dad talking about nanobots.. And as the discussion went on, Thatha was quoting something from the Vedhas... And a very interesting thought popped up in my mind... I'm just giving the actual thought train in my head.. I hope it makes sense...

When we deal with Great things, it needs greater potentiability and understanding, Superiority is graded in accordance with the subtle nature of things. A subtle thing is superior to a gross things and a subtler thing is superior to a subtle thing. These are stages and degrees of consciousness and more and more of the knowlegde flows in. That is why the sages and seers who are able to see the subtleties of objects through their intellect are known to possess Sukshma Drishti which can behold even the most subtle thing.

The Vedhas deal with two knowledgs- Lower and the Higher (Apara Vidhya and Para Vidhya). The lower knowledge deals with lesser science or secular science. This can only enable people to understand the knowledge pertaining to the universe and the objects what we see, the theory of relativity, the theory of electrons and all human theories for mean to have a sense-life.

Whereas, The Para-Vidhya or Higher Science is to understand the subtler thinsg of life, which cannot be known by the mere assemblage of words. That which cannot be seen nor seize, which has no origin, no properties, neither ears nor eyes, hands or feet, which is eternal, diversely manifested, all pervading, extremely subtle and imperishable, and can only be understood by practicing and knowing this science.

And as we see the world today, it keeps moving towards compactness and subtleness.. Gone are the days when what was making it big was actually making something big. Commercial favorites today are the smallest versions.

The hottest topics in Science & Technology include Nanotechnology, Atomic Energy and Science, Quantum theory.. More perceivable by the more knowledgeable people and a mystery to most..

Look at the potential of the smallest of the smallest 'an atom'.. The amount of energy it can generate.. Its everywhere but no-one has come up with the exact idea of what it is.. And then we have sub-atomic particles.. Smaller than an atom! What would we get if we keep searching for the smallest? Emptiness?? Or Whole?? What would you say 'zero' is?. Nothing or completion??

Why did Prahalad say " He (God) is Omnipresent, in the tiniest speck and also in the most massive structures" and what about the statement "Aham Brahmasmi!' (The Creator lies in me)... According to the most accepted theory of evolution, everything started from an atom and everything is made up of the basic unit- an atom.

And look at the Dasavatharam of Lord Vishnu in order.. It gives the various stages of evolution.. Is there some kind of link between all these? Or are these mere coincidences?

My own conclusion is the "GOD IS AN ATOM" or whatever it is that is the smallest and most basic unit of any substance. In this way I think any form of worship, beliefs, love and theories can be substantiated. This is something even an atheist cannot deny. And when it is so, even self-love is good.. Everything you do, say or perceive is due to God and is directed to the Creator! It made so much sense to me... What do you say?

A friend has given the following justifications for my theory

This is in Second Mundaka, Second khanda, second point "That which is brilliant, smaller than small, that on which the worlds are founded and their inhabitants, that is the indestructible Brahman"Another trans"That which is radiant, subtler than the subtle, That by which all the worlds and their inhabitants are supported—That, verily, is the indestructible Brahman"

Dreams/nightmares Tag

2007-03-06T23:44:00.000-08:00

Tagged by my dear akka Sri... I'm gonna share some of my not-so-interesting nevertheless true dreams I've had..

I'm known to be a little psychic(yeah.. its true) so around 60% of my dreams come true.. Its very very scary at times.. esp when I've dreams like this...

I'm trapped in a room of mirrors.. The walls, ceiling and floor are all mirrors.. I dont know which one is a door.. I'm struggling to get out, pounding desperately on the walls, crying all the time and breathing keeps getting tougher.. Then the walls start closing in, and I faint/die with one last cry...

If this was scary then here comes the scarier one..

I'm sitting on my bed.. Someone knocks on the door.. I let them in.. I'm a little surprised to see that person but still I know the person too well.. That person says nothing but suddenly pulls a pillow and presses it on my face.. I struggle to escape but I'm strangely helpless and held-back by god-knows-what.. Just before I die, moon-light falls on the person's face, who is smiling very serenely and my last thoughts are "Why should you kill me..?" I've had this nightmare a couple of times.. Every time I wake up very sad rather than scared.. I see that face very clearly during the last few seconds but I forget who it is when I wake up.. Good that I don't remember!

Coming to the pleasant stuff.. I've had dreams like me winning a fashion parade(came true!) me tripping and falling down in front of a huge crowd after receiving the crown(thank god this didn't happen! most embarassing!) becoming the CEO of Taj Hotels(wish this comes true ;) ) but the best dream is something abstract and gives me maximum happiness when dreaming and a great sense of peace when I wake up..

I'm sitting near a small brook writing something in a small yellow notebook... I'm surrounded by a big meadow full of flowers.. The sky is clear and the air is mildly scented.. There is no one around for miles together.. Snow capped mountains in a distance.. I get up and walk to a small cottage(which I assume is mine).. Its really small but very pretty, covered with flowering creepers, a small vegetable garden behind and yeah.. really sweet.. I get inside and I start singing(a very nice song which I dont seem to remember once I wake up :( ) And then someone joins me in the cottage and we both keep singing(I guess its the song I wrote near the brook coz I'm holding the yellow book.. Dont remember who sings with me either!) Then I decide to come home and I step into the brook.. A wave(?!!) magically appears and carries me down the meadow, suddenly my house's staircase appears, it carries me up the stairs and gently puts me on my bed.. and then sprinkles a few drops on my face.. thats when I wake up..

Felt really good writing this tag.. Hope to come up with more sometime... People will be tagged if asked..

50 things you get to know abt me!

2007-02-17T04:56:00.000-08:00

Tagged by Keshav.. It a rather enjoyable post to do.. but me being in a bad mood today.. This is how it turns out.. I'll tag people on request

1. Were you named after anyone?
My official name is not after anyone but the other name is that of the diety of Srirangam- Ranganayaki

2. Do you wish on stars?
Ofcourse I do!

3. When did you last cry?
This morning... The mistress of screw-ups has to cry.. right?

4. Do you like your handwriting?
Yeah.. I guess so.. It varies according to my moods.. Good or bad.. its unique.. Like me ;)

5. What is your favourite meat?
Reframe the question... I am my sister's fav meat :P

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
Dont have any such CDs... But might buy a copy of "dirty dancing" to answer this question :P

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
Yeah yeah.. I certainly deserve me as a friend!(NTPK)

8.Are you a daredevil?
Shockingly, at times, yes!

9. How do you release anger?
I cry.. Thats my favorite option.. Or I take a shower..

10. Where is your second home?
I belong only in my real home.. I dont see a second home.. Sorry..

11. Do you trust others easily?
Used to.. Now I guess I'm becoming wary

12. What was your favourite toy as a child?
Mine was Mary..my doll in a wedding gown.. Thats till I was 5.. Then.. I had a new fav toy a year!

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?
I think all the subjects in school were important... In coll.. everything is useless!

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I do sometimes... U tell me!

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Depends on your prespective of a mosh pit.. A couple of conerts I've attended we've sorta done some moshing!

16.What do you look for in a gal(/guy)?
Quite alot.. I dont think I'll go in detail.. Decent looks, good sense of humor, smart, intelligent and yeah a big leevl of tolerance(or he cant ut up with me)

17. Would you bungee jump?
Definitely.. Its in my agenda!

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Never.. Always gets on my mom's nerves!

19.what's your favourite ice cream?
Vanilla. Butter scotch. Chocolate... In the order

20. What are your favourite colours?
Black, yellow, peach

21. What are your least favourite things?
Big list.. sorry

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?
he he he... Why didn't I face this question before? a time I might have given interesting answers.. As of now.. No one :(

23. Who do you miss most right now?
The spark that was in me.. which is now all gone!

24. What are you listening to right now?
The fan, TV from downstairs and my own lil conscience asking me to do something constructive

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Black or yellow

26. What is the weather like right now?
Pleasant... It might rain..

27. Last person you talked to on the phone?
The person who tagged me

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes... or smile...

29. Do you like the person who sent you this?
I suppose I should :P

30. How are you today?
Miserable... Screwed up a performance... And I feel like I'm the biggest jackass on earth..

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
Butter milk, sweet lime juice and vanilla milk shake.. In the order

32. Favourite alcoholic drink?
Benadryl rocks! Gin comes to a close second ;)

33. Natural hair colour?
Brown

34. Eye colour?
Brown

35. Wear contacts?
No..

36. Siblings?
One angel in disguise.. My lil sis! Love u baby!

37. Favourite month?
July... The month of birthdays!

38.Favourite food?
Anything tastes good when I'm hungry.. But I love paruppu samadham(dhal rice) with french fries any day! vathal kozhambu is a bonus!

39. Favourite day of the year?
July 6th... I'm a so self centred!

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
I've not met anyone that dashing.. but if I do... I might be a lil shy.. Not for too long!

41. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy Endings.. I'm a sucker for happy endings

42. Summer or winter?
Love and hate both equally

43. Holi or Diwali?
Diwali.. The best time of the year

44. Do you like your name?
Yes! Smart and cool.. so unlike me though

45. What book/magazine are you reading?
Rule of four by Dustin Thomasan and someone else... Awesome!

46. What's on your mouse pad?
The Registry- Omaha

47. What did you watch on TV last night?
Charlie and the Chocolate factory.. wasnt very happy with that movie

48. Favourite Smell?
Baby lotion/soap, jasmine

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
Broke up with a couple of friends.. very painful... but never regretted it... Am regretting not breaking with a friend now..

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?
Attended class after a 1 hour sleep and that too with high fever.. Horrible!

A short story on Valentine's day...

2007-02-14T06:10:00.000-08:00

Guys.. Gimme a good title for this one and ofcourse your reviews!

It was almost 5 pm, a very beautiful evening in a lovely park. Scent of flowers, pleasant breeze and probably an ideal ambience for the couples there, who were 'planning' for Val's day, which was just a week away. Shankar was an exception. He was waiting nervously near the entrance, looking into his watch frequently, and despite the cool breeze, sweating. Priya, his girlfriend for the past 3 years, had called him that morning, from a public booth (or so he guessed) and in a troubled tone, had asked him to wait near the entrance of the park at 5 pm and had cut the phone abruptly.

Priya walked in exactly at 5pm. Shankar, relief surging through him, rushed out to greet her. But she motioned him to be silent, looked around, caught him arm and literally dragged him as quick as she could to their favorite bench. This bench was where they had met often during the 3 years and it held many special memories. But on that day, Priya broke down weeping! "My parents know!” she wailed,” I don’t think I can come out of the house again un-noticed". A painful silence prevailed. "They've fixed my engagement with Tilak tomorrow.. Even now, I had to sneak out of the house when everyone was busy with the preparations.. I can’t stay here too long.. I must leave now.. I really don’t know what to do..I feel like dying Shankar... ". Shankar put his arm around her and hung his head, searching for the right words. "Shall we get married now? I mean right now!". Priya looked up, looked right into his eyes and said, "I cant come against my parents' wishes.. You know that.. That’s why I waited all this time.. I just cant Shankar!" and starts sobbing again. With only her sobs breaking the silence, time froze for a few minutes. Shankar then said, with all the determination he could muster "Lets part now! I know it’s hard on both of us but it'll be harder if you stay longer.. Go and marry Tilak, Priya! We may have failed as lovers, but at least lets satisfy our parents and make them happy.. Go on.. Don’t look back!". Priya got up reluctantly, gave him one last look and hurried home. Shankar sighed heavily and closed his eyes.

A week later...

It was Valentine's Day and Trojan Cafe; the hot spot for the town's couples was brimming with people. Seated beside his new girlfriend Sheela, Shankar hardly looked the grief-stricken, heart-broken lover. Priya walked in with her fiancé Tilak. Her eyes met Shankar's and then was a brief sad smile in both their lips. Shankar's smile broadened as soon as her back turned. It became smug! "It worked perfectly", he thought.” I’d been planning this for a month and the time came only a week before when Priya's mom picked the phone. Though I knew it was her mom, I continued talking as if I thought it was Priya, coz I know she'd be caught and we'd have to split up. Priya became boring of-late and after I met Sheela, my feelings for her died. And to think, we talked about marriage some two weeks back! Phew!" and he puts his arm lovingly on a beaming Sheela.

The focus is now on Priya who is rather happily chatting with her fiancé. She seems to be a perfectly normal radiant bride-to-be. Inside she is thinking "Not bad.. It really worked! How could have I ever fallen in love with Shankar? Such a pathetic loser! It struck me only when he talked about marriage that I've gotten myself into a trap. And the only way to escape unscathed is to 'get caught' at home so that they'd get me married to Tilak soon giving Shankar no chance to stop my wedding... And the only way to get caught was to put my mobile where it can catch mom's eyes and stay off the place for some time... It really worked!".. She smiled sweetly at Tilak who was discussing the Visa procedure with her..

Bend it like Mom!

2007-01-28T02:05:00.000-08:00

Before I start this post.. I just wanna shout out to the world "MOM ROCKS!!! ABSOLUTELY!!!"..

I got up at around 8a.m today, which is a little too early to be out of bed of a Sunday morning, especially when I was feeling slightly feverish and I had an irritating dry cough which didn't allow me to have a really peaceful weekend crash. Some might mistake this 'early rise' as a step towards preparation for my cycle tests from Monday but hey, you guys know me better!
I had the alarm set for 6 am initially. The reason is that Mom has gone to attend her cousin's wedding in Bangalore and our servant was sacked a week back. So she wanted me to do some chores, like sweeping the house, mopping it if possible and to wash the clothes(washing machine is there ofcourse). I decided that this wouldn't take more than an hour so I decided to start the day with some things she said I needn't bother myself with. Watering the garden!
Been too long since I had a communion with Nature. The garden was too tempting. The weather was perfect and I set out to water the plants. Our garden is not very big but there are plenty of pots and a small lawn, which took more time than I had expected, to be watered. I had almost finished watering them all, humming arbit tunes. The last few plants were outside the compound wall, and I impatiently tugged at the water hose, hoping to get over with it soon. That was my first mistake. The water flow stopped. I turned off the pipe and check all the connections and when I turned it on again, surprise! a forceful jet of water rushed as the hose broke off the pipe and I got totally drenched! I might have enjoyed getting wet had it been another place and at another time, but with so much of work ahead, I got really pissed. I spent some fifteen minutes clearing up the mess(yeah, there was water everywhere and I didn't want anyone, mainly me, slipping in the marble pavement)
I decided to start the original work plan. I collected clothes from all the rooms, seperated the ones that could be washed in the machine and hand-washed the remaining few. I had loaded the machine and I confidently turned it on. It actually worked pretty smoothly for some time. When I came back to check on it, after helping my cook was the vessels, I found the machine making weird noises and worse still, not working! Spent another quarter hour trying to fix it, at the end of which, thankfully.. it worked!
Sweeping the house came next. I hated sweeping even as a kid when we were supposed to sweep our classes in school. Pushing benches, emptying the dust bin, picking up papers, I'd do them all but sweeping was a big turn off. My house(for the benefit of those who haven't come home) has three halls in the ground floor with a kitchen and a bed room and one hall and four rooms in the upper floor. Since dad was having his breakfast downstairs, I started sweeping upstairs. I don't remember the last time I sweated that badly. I was soaked and I had to change before I came downstairs. My hands started to ache and I was feeling exhausted. I remember Dad saying something about the 'second wind' and today, was one of the rare days, I experienced it. By the time I had finished one hall, I was feeling ok enough to finish the rest! Mopping followed.
Mopping was fun usually, but today, my patience had worn as thin. Mom would generally empty the pail of water used and refill with clean water for every room and I was doing it only after finishing two rooms. I was swinging the mop so wildly that I knocked off the pail of dirty water! and that too, just when I had finished the entire hall. What ensued is pretty easy to guess. I had to mop the hall all over again. And to add on to my woes, I slipped in front of my room and almost sprained an ankle (thank God it didn't get sprained).
Cleaning the bathrooms was the last item in the morning chores. I was way too tired and the time was already 12:30 so I finished it as fast as I could (translated as, as shabby as I could) and had a long shower.
I really can't help but admire mom, as she has done all this without complaining for the past one week. She starts working at 5 am, finishes all the chores by 10 am and then leaves for the hospital! A couple of days of this schedule and I'm sure I'd have all my extra pounds dissolving. I learnt so many things, the dignity of any labor, the meaning behind some of our old customs, the difficulties of a professional woman, the value of mom and yeah, remembering to check the hose-pipe joint before you turn on the pipe!

I shall ramble on!

2007-01-15T08:03:00.000-08:00

I've been surprisingly busy for the past one week. Was working on a paper and some working model for a contest. I found myself liking the 'work' which I had never wanted to do when I started my engineering course. I wanted to maintain a non-techie image, not that its changed, but I guess I like a little bit of techincal stuff. Atleast it keeps me happy that I'm doing something constructive(NTPK!)
I've been reading many blogs these days. Thanks to TIFAC. Lazy afternoons, with a slightly long lunch break and a boring hour after that, usually drive me nuts. So I allow myself to be dragged to the net lab by my classmate and since it would be too embarassing if someone caught me snoozing, I read blogs.
I usually get lost in whatever I read and these blogs were no exception. Sketches of people I've never seen or will ever see kept forming in my mind as I went through their blogs. The variety, the different outlooks, styles of expressing thoughts, humour, satire and tears, the differences made each blog worth reading. And reading all those blogs made me feel small yet content. Small coz I know I'm just an atom in the blogging universe and content to be a part of the infinity. My blog, which I feel is boring, kiddish and at times downright stupid, is still a part of me. So I decided not to give up blogging(sorry, I know its tragic but still...) It certainly doesnt matter who is reading this or who is not, I shall continue to ramble!

Babble tag

2006-12-16T01:55:00.000-08:00

I do so many kiddu things everyday.... I still eat chocs messing up my fingers and dress, I play board games like candy land and snakes and ladders, I do sing-alongs, have birthday parties and watch cartoons.. But I miss so many things... of which the 5 top ones are

1) Play with my barbies in the cute little doll house I made.. Now both the barbies and the doll house are gone!

2)I want all my cuddly wuddly stuffed toys back in my room... all of them on my bed... Mom has given them all to my sister!

3)I want a big mickey mouse cake this birthday... I'd be twenty(*yuck*) and its definitely gonna look ridiculous.. So it'll be ruled out

4)I wanna keep eating lollypops and never stop! I do take some rarely, coz people make so much fun of me... Not that I really care... but no fun these days coz I cant stick my coloured tongue out at anyone!

Heart patients, pregnant women and people who would prefer not to die laughing or of a big shock... Dont attempt to read the next one

5) I wanna wear my sweet frilly frocks, have a two-pony hair style and ballerina shoes.....(Dont say you weren't warned!)

I guess this should do! I tag Keshav and Abinaya...

I want to...

2006-11-13T02:25:00.000-08:00

I really want to find some motivation to work for my upcoming exams..Both semester and japanese.. Havent read a word in both..

Anyway...
Tagged by Harini.. here I go
I want......
To read: Right now I should be reading for my exams.... But then my fantasy has been to read every single Enid Blyton, Agatha Christe and Wodehouse! Cant be happy aspiring to read just one book!
To Listen: I bought a new album..Hits of 2005 from Chennai.. Hope to have the patience to listen to it fully
To watch: Full house..over and over again.. That was my fav show and I miss it so much these days... And some good new English movie.. For some strange reason, they stopped playing English movies(undubbed ones) here in Trichy..
To visit: Paris.. Dunno why but I've this craving to visit some romantic European capital.. And Paris is my dream city!
To buy: An IPod.. and a new mobile... Travelling 90 kms a day without any entertainment is so boring these days!

I guess I'll tag Abinaya
... Finish your exams and write out your wishlist..

Reveries

2006-11-04T08:57:00.000-08:00

Most of my posts hold a touch of nostalgia. I mean what kinda man is he who doesn't look back at the path he has traveled.. It’s not very often that one gets a perfect moment to travel back time.. By perfect I mean, a slightly chilly rainy Saturday morning, with nothing big to bother you in the course of the day, lying comfortably in your warm bed, propped up by cuddly pillows, after a cup of warm milk.... Hey, hold on... As much as I do wish to have had such a peaceful moment to go mushy over the past, circumstances here were a total contrast! Mom had woken me up (literally dragged me out of bed.. I woke up just before she actually emptied the bedside jug on me!).. It was just NINE!!! Some two hours before my holiday wake-up time!
Having been roused rather unceremoniously, I got to drink some very cold milk (was too lazy to heat it up).. It was raining badly outside... Half an hour later, I found myself in the middle of huge piles of books (Its cleaning day!!! How exciting!!).. In those thirty minutes, I did somehow manage to make my sister cry, mom was furious and it was more like grounding both of us by making us clean the library.. I was sniffing(partly because I scolded badly and mostly because of the dust) and was unwillingly sorting out the books... A few books were sorted out uneventfully... Then came a very old book titled "Ivan and the wolf".. I slowly drift away into dreamland...
Ivan from the Ukrainian tales was one of my first crushes... Dad was always my favorite storyteller and my earliest stories were that of a not-so-handsome, not-so-clever prince, but a winner in the end..Ivan! The cover page had Ivan plucking the golden apples in his father's backyard... I picked up a bundle of rotting comics.. Some of them had been my favorite... Memories of school days, secretly sneaking a couple of books to spend time in class during lunch (those were the days when I was an outcast in class).. The old school library that used to remind yes, spooky and me of the medieval castles, dark, silent..Loved getting lost in a book there, with the irritating school bell heralding the end of the library hour... I was a fanatic in my 9th.. Spent most of my hours in the library in an old chair near the last bookshelf at the end of the corridor..
Thinking about school days opened a huge collection of memories inside my head... My friends (very few), my teachers, classes, tuitions, festivities and all those beautiful moments that can never be erased... I had something to hold on to, in every person or thing I've come across...
By this time Ani (my sis) must have got irritated seeing me daydream while she was actually working hard, and the result was a sharp sudden pain in my head (yeah yeah.. she chucked a book on me and that hit the targeted spot too).. A small fight followed… Grumbling badly(you can guess..Mom supported her coz even she was pissed at me day-dreaming!) I picked up the book… It was one of those sweet historical romances I flicked from the library (hey hey hey.. flicked in the sense I liked it so much so I paid for it).. Reverie session-2 began..
History was always one of my favorite subjects, mainly because, I’ve read more than my teachers and it was one subject were dreaming in class was a legal affair! From history, my thoughts moved on to some of the cute guys I’ve come across in life (no elaboration… this is too public!!) I was trying to fit them one by one in the hero’s role(me the heroine of course)… The guy who fit the most was someone who was not in the list!! So to escape the nightmare, I shook myself back to reality and resumed(??!!!) working…
I had found my old kavithai (poetry) notebook with a collection of some super cute (NTPK) poems of mine. And work came completely to a halt.. I was reliving all those wonderful times, which had inspired me to write… By this time, mom’s temper had crossed the maximum limit.. She was so exasperated that she chased me out of the room.. Reverie cut off abruptly… Will resume sometime later!

Shea...

2006-10-02T04:16:00.000-07:00

I see the current trend is for abstract stories.. So decided to write one myself... Forgive me if you feel its relly pathetic!

Her bags were packed.. There was just an hour before she left home.. Everyone was fussing over her... Afterall, the only kid in the family was leaving home to join the university of her choice.. Appa was checking the carefully packed bags again.. Amma was giving out a list of do's and dont's breaking now and then to give her a hug when emotions threatened to drown her... Hari uncle and Nithya aunty had come with their family to give her a send off party... The large junk bags kept outside her room were probably the last thing in anyone's mind... In one of those large black polyethene bags lay Shea...

It was on her 3rd birthday when Shea entered her life... Hari uncle had bought her from the States.. She was a cute, snuggly, stuffed panda who had come in a big blue box and it was love at first sight... Shea had been a part of her since then... Infact the name Shea was given only a year later.. Till then it was only Bearie... Shea was her favorite cartoon character and soon Bearie became Shea... There was no night that had passed without her cuddling Shea and no meal without Shea beside her... The stubborn curry marks on Shea's bushy white tail proved the fact... On her first day of school, she had smuggled Shea to school to hold her hand when she felt scared... From then on, she had smuggled Shea to school as often as she could... It was because of Shea she had got her first friend in school... Lavanya... In her lunch recess when Shea had slipped out of her bag, a large-eyed girl with pony tail had picked Shea up and helped her stuff Shea back into her bag before Florence miss came to class... And they became best friends within a week... They had remained best friends till her middle school...

There was nothing that could have torn them apart.. Infact she had made her father drive all the way back to her grandma's house where she had by mistake left Shea.. Her first wish to the tooth fairy was a blue ribbon for Shea.. All was well till her thirteenth birthday party, when she had invited the 'coolest' girl in class home... Neethu had found her bond with Shea a little too childish... and very funny...Neethu had made a gesture of deep disgust at Shea's messed-up no-longer-white fur and had laughed out-right when she spotted the blue bow in Shea's ears...Embarassed, she had put Shea away in her cupboard that night... She drifted away from Lavanya to be a part of Neethu's gang... Shea was hidden in her cupboard whenever her friends came home... Gradually Shea was forgotten...

When the servant had cleaned her cupboard, she had discarded the 'old and torn' toy without a second thought...

If only Shea could think...maybe the thoughts would be "You threw me out of your life just because you had someone tell you that it was 'so uncool' to be seen hanging out with me... You find those stains that you made on me, which you once considered love-marks, now digusting... The fur that was messed up because of your constant cuddling, is now considered ugly by you... If this is what you call 'growing up', I'm thankful that I dont grow up..."

But then Shea cannot think... Can it???

I believe in angels!!!

2006-09-17T08:27:00.000-07:00

I seriously do... Coz the past few months have taught me a lot, and finally the truth dawned on me... Ofcourse I am not talking about 'the angels', pearly white gowned, sweet creatures with wings, though I still romance with the idea of meeting one, its just about the circumstances I've faced that made me believe that there are more beautiful, sweeter and divine creatures surrounding me in reality...
I shall certainly not irritate you people by my usual elaborate narrations this time.. It all started like this(there I go again!).. I was so heartbroken by the general attitude of some of my 'so-called-friends' that I started to draw myself further away from reality.. Typically what they do in the game called "bubble"... Rather an interesting game which I came across in a novel in which people totally re-translate the happenings in their lifes, into something totally wild, almost into a virtual world... Back to my story, yeah, I got into this 'bubble' syndrome, which I hoped would keep the pain at bay and help me comfort myself... Worked like a charm for sometime.. Like whenever someone asked me how 'so-and-so'(assumed to be my close friend, even by myself earlier) is doing, I would let my imagination loose and spin a fancy answer to cover up the fact that this 'so-and-so' hasn’t bothered to check if I'm alive or dead for the past month or so..
The 'bubble' had to break, and this made me even worse.. Facing the world that had seemed so warm, but now so distant was pretty terrible... I resorted to cribbing... Even that didn't help... Then finally when I thought that life couldn't get worse, I started to feel the presence of the angels....
These were people who didn't walk into my life all of a sudden, but who had been there all along.. Not that I didn't notice them before, but I didn't bother to know them better... Whenever someone ditched me, there was someone to pick me up, whom I would have never imagined, even in my biggest 'bubble' to help me..
Not that these angels stay with me forever.. but they certainly make their presence felt and miraculously cure my wounds and pull me out of self pity... And every time I fall, I can be sure that there would be someone to catch me.. and even if no-one did.. I could still pick myself up, knowing for sure that my guardian angels(I certainly have more than one!) would give me enough strength to recuperate and get back on my feet...
I also learnt that...
Shit happens... only we fail to accept it
Self-pity is the best way to make sure others hate you...
When life is miserable, blame yourself for not being able to see the better things surrounding you..
Noone is more important to anyone than themselves!
Nothing remains unchanged forever... Be it people, feelings or even the deepest love! Everything will change and should change.. Or it is just not real!
But the best lesson which came as a message when I needed it the most was... Never make someone the priority in your life, when you are just an option in theirs!!
I cant say I'm much happier now, but atleast I've established some kind of harmony with reality! Thanks to those angels!

Words are all I have...

2006-08-09T04:15:00.000-07:00

Life is crummy these days... Missing my first year pals... Missing all those easy subjects... The times I scored without reading at all... Those days when the world demanded very little from me but still gave me all what I wanted... I know it is going to get worse but still, cant help cribbing... The only consolation these days is the new boom box my grandpa got me for my birthday with surround sound (yeah yeah... it gets on my mom's nerves!) and a great clarity... This just meant that I could even play my old cassettes(spoilt because I kept playing them over and over) and still make out something! And this has inspired me to share a few really good lyrics I've come across in some of the songs I'm hearing... Since I've already dealt with my tamizh favs.. Here are some of my english favs.. Take some time off and browse through these great lyrics..

All the way- I generally love most of the Celine Dion's songs... This one in particular... Even Celine claims that its her all time favorite.. A duet with Frank Sinatra... Simple lyrics and very beautifully sung...

When you say nothing at all- Ronan keating has this really husky but expressive voice... But even if some novice had sung this song I guess the lyrics alone could have made this a hit single! If somebody asks me for the perfect lines to say for the definite success of a proposal, I'd ask them to memorize this :)

So Yesterday- The freshness in Hillary Duff's voice and the sprightly musics belies the depth of the lyrics... For any teen with a heart break... this is the song that can help you get over it!

My Happy Ending- Another awesome song for those broken-hearts and tortured souls... Can even be for all those ditched friends...Avril's best song in my opinion... Rocking lyrics... Its just to remind people that no one is gonna crib and wish to get back with the jerk who broke up..I love the part when she says "It's nice to know that you were there..Thanks for acting like you cared"...Too cool!

Against all odds- But what if you are really the die-hard romantic who expects your love to come back... Check this one out! Originally written by Phil Collins but popularized by Mariah Carrey(even I like the new version)... Really brings tears!

Forever and for always- Gorgeous Shania Twain in the beach... A simply touching video and lyrics that really reach out... I'd love to sing this to the special someone ;)

Hero- A truely inspiring song by Mariah Carrey... When you feel down, just play this song and step into the shower... Instant cure for depression!

Escape- Enrique! Whatta voice! Though Bailamos is my favorite song, Escape comes a close second with its really good lyrics...

Colour Blind- Darius made his debut with this awesome single! The lyrics are just too cute...Way too cute... As cute as the singer himself ;) and yeah... his voice just adds on to the cuteness... What more can I say but "cute"!

Well here comes the song that is my all time fav.... I have no words to describe this song! Its beyong fantastic... The lyrics, the singers and the way it makes you feel...Unparalled... I would vote for this as the most romantic song ever... Much better a score than Every night in Titanic but its really sad that this song didnt clink as the other did... and its Spend my lifetime loving you- Mark Anthony(J-Lo's current hubby) and Tina Arena(lovely voice but sadly not really popular) Have made this duet sizzling! Try listening to the song sometime....

I hope you guys would take some time off, check these lyrics out and truely relish them... I havent been very exhaustive coz I know most of you would not enjoy this... But do go through these lyrics... Will come up with more if people are interested!

Cleaning my room!

2006-06-19T03:06:00.000-07:00

It was initially promised that I do this once in 3 months....then I begged for this to be a half-yearly affair....then once a year.....but the truth is, for the past 3 years, ever since I unpacked my stuff in the new house, I've never bothered to sort them out or clean my room!
This will be giving you a pretty decent idea of how bad my room would have been when I set to work...For those people who still haven't got a clue, let me provide some information about the room that can easily pass for "The Mysterious Dungeon of the Moonlight castle"...
My room was built in perfect accordance with mom's aesthetic vision...Lovely cream walls, yellow drapes, honey wood furniture...a dream of sunshine and peace...But the one thing mom overlooked was ME! I was born with this gift of ruining any room I stayed in and this one was no exception...Within 3 days, it became my den with books, clothes, chocolate wrappers and anything that you can imagine lying scattered on the floor, draws crammed with bits of paper and everything forever in a state of a terrible mess! The best thing is that no one dares to enter my room for two reasons..Reason1: They are aware that there are hidden traps everywhere..Mom could never forgive me for the bump in her head, which she got when she opened my cupboard for some reason and a globe rolled out of it and fell on her! Reason 2: My room is believed to be a black hole of some kind that it can suck anything and you may never find it again...Dad and my sis are really scared of getting lost in the black hole....So that establishes my full rights over the room...
But this time, since my room was needed to accommodate my cousins (if necessary), I was forced to clean it.... It was not a very easy task (didn’t think it would be one too)..It took me nearly 3 days to get my room presentable...And those 3 days proved to be actually enjoyable!
Cleaning my room was my worst nightmare, but when I got down to doing it, I discovered so many wonderful things that it never drained me the way I thought it would.... I found so many old papers...Papers that held in them memories so strong that I spent most of my first day trying to relive them at least in my mind...There were notes taken down in various classes, plenty of loose sheets with some good bingo or bull shit in them("bull shit" was a word game we played in school), phone numbers, addresses, pencil-paper chats, and some old forgotten poems of mine... I couldn't help but read them all over and over again and fondly recollect the past...Next came the photos...I better not talk about them coz all I did was wonder how a few years can make a person so ugly (if you cant figure out what I mean...forget it! I won’t explain)..Then there were so many little things like clips, dolls and cards that kept flooding my mind with too many memories and emotions, that Day1 was spent just getting the things out of the draws!!!
The remaining two days, I was wise enough not to muse too much over these things and despite the trouble I had deciding which of this precious stuff should be chucked, I did do quite a good job of discarding nearly 50 books, 5 kg of paper, and 7 large bags of miscellaneous stuff!
Cleaning my room was almost a journey of self discovery, realizing how much I've grown up, the various paths I've walked in, the hurdles I've crossed and most importantly, how much discardable junk I had stored in my room all this time, being too sentimental to part with them! (The actual reason is that I am lazy but come on..isn't everyone that way?)..All said and done, my room looks presentable now and mom seems happier...There is just one catch in the good deed I did...My cleaner room has now paved way for my sister to snitch things more easily...Got to do something to stop this...Any suggestions?

10 simple pleasures in my life...

2006-05-19T21:07:00.000-07:00

I've been wanting to write this for quite some time..But I didnt have the drive, till Sri tagged me..
I am a person who believes that true joy is living every day to the fullest and true adventure is making simple things interesting...So writing down 10 simple pleasures life offers is almost impossible for me becoz I can think of atleast 1000 and so I am shortlisting the 10 which are the most frequently occuring ones..

1. Waking up late on a Saturday morning...with absolutely no work to do and the whole weekend ahead!
2. Walking home from the bus stand in the evening...alone...Watching the sun set, enjoying the cool breeze, and taking in the beautiful transformation of day into night...Its a lovely feeling..
3. Playing bingo or bull shit in a boring class in the back bench..blissfully unaware of what is being taught...knowing well that u wont get caught! well..doodling in my notebook..lost in a dream comes a close second
4. Turning on the music that suits my mood at the particular moment and stepping into the shower(this works like a charm to make me feel better after a tired day)
5. Talking to dad in the terrace..invariably in the night after dinner...till mom shouts at us to come down
6. Reading a cute sms from a friend...who,u know, had sent it not becoz it was a forward but becoz u know the person truely wanted to say that to you
7. Going shopping with mom...watching her relax and unwind...I love it when she asks me my opinion about what she buys for herself...love it more when she takes it seriously...And when it comes to buying stuff for me..Mom's the boss and she rocks!
8. Practising for an event..esp a play...something we did often in school and something I miss in college...We used to have such fun.. Adding our own touch to the dialogues and changing the story every 5 mins...with only 6 of us regular dramatists in that huge auditorium...6 people who were not friends,not even close, but just binded by a passion for the stage...the auditorium wud always echo our lines and our laughter....
9. Singing with Suchi, Ramya and Raji in the bus....it helps us pass the weary 45 kms in the evening... We'd play every possible game and once a lecturer who travelled with us said that we sang beautifully but she couldnt hear much becoz it was not loud enuf!! It is for the sole purpose of killing time we sing but we end up having too much fun always!
10. Fighting with Ani(my sis).. I really missed her for the past three weeks...Having a sister is a blessing...We fight over very silly things..one of us would start crying and the other would immediately start consoling...The best times are when we conspire something...I really thank God everyday for giving my such a darling sister...I know we hurt each other alot but still we really cant imagine our lives without each other...

So that's that...10 simple pleasures... But then again there are so many I just can't put into words... The thing about life is..You may not be able to enjoy something big you that you anticipate...but you will certainly have moments which are so simple and plain, but so unforgettable..that they will stay etched in your mind..like perfect paintings..and these pictures will never fade away..

And now for tagging...I tag Rajeev, Parthan, Sindhu and Harini...

The Island

2006-04-14T04:05:00.000-07:00

"The emerald amidst the swirling waters
Of Kauvery and Kollidam
The sweet abode of the Lord
The Mystical Island"

Srirangam has forever been a fascinating place for me. There is some mystical element to this beautiful island still makes it intriguing and enchanting...Trichy and Srirangam are more than just places,they are a part of me, the only places where I feel I belong.. To describe the beauty and the glory of the magnificent temple, I can never find the right words...With great poets and artists failing to capture its splendor, I guess I will make an attempt, though weak yet heartfelt, to describe this wonderful place..
Every part of the temple or the place as such is associated with some wonderful legend...No one can point out the exact period in which this temple was built, though the popular belief is that the main idol was a gift from Lord Rama to Vibeeshana...The temple has been modified and rebuilt by so many dynasties that it has, I must say, evolved with man.. But through all these years, it has retained its soul, which still attracts thousands of tourists every year..
Srirangam leads the list of Vaishnava sthalas and it certainly deserves the honour.. The ‘Rajagopuram’ is 236 feet high with 13 tiers and is the tallest temple tower in Asia...The other gopuras though unknown are each unique and beautiful...There are innumerable sannathis but the main deity and the thayaar sanathi are the most popular...However some sanathis like the Chakarathaazhvaar, Dhanvanthri, Aandal and Kothandha Ramar are general favorites..The Dhavanthri and Kothanda Ramar sannadhi earn a special mention(not just because they are my favorites) but because the Dhanvanthri sanadhi is the most powerful and the Kothanda Ramar statue is one of the biggest and the most beautiful..There is a Desikar sanadhi and the mummified body of Ramanujar is still preserved in the temple! Some of the trivial things that have attracted me are the 'echo point' near the sanathi of the main deity (you are supposed to shout Ranga there and I love it) veral-kuzhis near the paramapadha vaasal (the goddess was believed to have peeped from there to see if her husband has returned) and ofcourse the stone tortoise near the sthala vriksham(which is where they hid the idols during the mughal invation)..There is a 'thulukka natchiyar' sanathi, which is dedicated to a Mughal princess who gave herself to the Lord..An interesting anecdote is that ummachi has chappathis for his breakfast everyday because of her!
In Srirangam there is no shortage of festivity because everyday something happens..The Ranga-Raja(king) is a lover of festivity and so any time you visit the temple there would always be some activity going on..There would be chariot festivals, vaahana valams, pallaquins and the usual stuff but the unique things about Srirangam is the "20 thirunaals" before and after Vaikunda Ekaadesi..There are Raa Pathu(festivities are mostly in the night) and Pagal Pathu(morning) and ofcourse the splendid Vaikunda Ekaadesi with the Lord in Rathanaagi(dress made of rubies!)..It would take a seperate post to describe the Thirunaals and I'll do that later..
The 600 acre island of Srirangam was formerly filled with coconut and mango groves (now they are being replaced by apartments..and I positively hate that!)..The veedhis(streets) which lie concentric to the temple(great town planning!) are filled with old-fashioned houses(even they are being replaced by apartments!) which really transfers us a couple of centuries back..
It is always a pleasing sight to watch people put kolam before the Lord comes for the veethi-ulaa(rounds), children playing in the late evening, people chatting in the thinnais(front of the house) and all the festivities drawing a huge crowd.. The sight of the Lord in a vahana coming for the veedhi-ulaa with the bright torches whose light stand in no comparison to the beauty of the Lord's face or the veena-ekaandham(its really heaven on earth) when they play veena to soothe the Lord before he sleeps are things you have to experience atleast once in a lifetime..
Srirangam is not a mere temple or a beautiful island...It is a cultural landmark and a perservator of tradition..It still binds people together, infuses in them the common love for God and their hometown and ofcourse fills them with great memories of their days there...I had wondered sometimes if how my life would have been if I had been born in a metropol...I know in that case it would have certainly been poorer,not having memories of this wonderful place, whose every aspect I love.. It is a traditional belief that Adi Sankara installed at Srirangam, a Yantra called Janakarshana Yantra to attract pilgrims to this sacred temple, but then even without that, the beauty and serenity of the Lord would have attracted millions...You will definitely see more posts about Srirangam and if you come down to Trichy, I'll be glad to take you around "The Island"!

Ice-breaking

2006-04-08T02:59:00.000-07:00

Buzz.....This blogger has been hibernating too long...

Some people did miss my aimless ramblings. So here is a post dedicated to all those sweet souls who spent their time to cheer me up and woke up the dejected writer in me to sharpen the pencil(err..keyboard?)again... These 3 months have really whizzed past giving me no time to stop and reflect. Maybe its time for me to do that..
I have learnt alot of things about life particularly about people and relationships in the past few months. I thought I could share a bit of the wisdom I gathered, but if you find this naive and stupid, just remind yourself that I am still a kid growing up.
Its was around three months back(some time after my last post) when I had enough of thinking about school days, that I cried ENOUGH!...Enough of pretending to be indifferent to the cold war that existed in my class...Now if you are wondering what this cold war was all about, it was the same old hostility between the guys and girls...Silly but so many of us face this in our classes and workplaces even in this era of equality among the sexes...Boys try to dominate and girls try to act smart and this results in a barrier that separates their worlds and prevents any positive flow of thoughts and ideas...To be honest, my life in class at that time was rather boring and I was kinda starting to regretting my decision for having joined my college..
I wanted to make a change but didn't know where to start...God certainly helps you are really determined..The help came through my school mate(incidentally my college mate too) whose friend was a guy in my class...So I got this guy's number and we started a casual sms chat...I was surprised to find out that we had so many things in common(including our moon sign, star..he he he..)... and there we were, great friends in just a couple of messages...We ended up talking about things as if we had known each other for ages...
I heard from him about a couple of guys who had a grudge against me in class...I decided to talk this out to the concerned guys the next day..My idea was ridiculed by the others and my close friend infact warned me to stay from them...But then I moved forward(this created alot of friction between me and my close friend in class)..I was contemplating on the choice of words but my smile worked much better...Again the ice was broken and I had new friends..
My friend organized a meet in the canteen and an open invitation was thrown to the entire class. It was the first of its kind..we surprised the guys by inviting them and they surprised us by turning up..There were 10 of us..6 guys and 4 girls..(my class strength is around 42)..The meet turned out to be a huge success as we had maximum fun...This was followed by a game in class(thanks to our chemistry lecturer for having been absent)..These were major ice breakers..
Three months have passed and we've had so much fun that looking at the last one week of our life together as a class(we will have to move to our depts. next year), we cant help but wonder how fast time flies..Classes are no longer boring, college rocks..to be more precise I-section rocks! We've treats and meets to look forward to, games to play, fun activities to do and surprises to plan ..There were many lunches and high teas we've had and the strength kept increasing steadily.. Our class was the only class to form a team and rock our intra-coll culturals..Our class won the maximum number of prizes(almost everyone won!)..We conducted a mock award ceremony and we are planning for a really good farewell party..We trust each other and we know we can always look back at these three months to cheer us up...Our only regret was that despite us being together for nearly a year, we became close only in the last three months...
There were some great truths I realized...
Its never too late to make friends.
Never judge people before you actually get to know them.
Everyone is good...Its just your outlook that varies..
To love life...you need to love the people around you ..and to love the people around you need to love yourself..
Never hesitate to break the ice...
It would never hurt to say a sorry even though there is no mistake on your part, if it could help someone feel better..
Everyone has different ways of making a relationship work...So be yourself and respect the other person's methods(though they are pathetic at times)
And when I feel lost and lonely(I do somtimes) I can remind myself that there are people out there whom I've not met so far, waiting to get to know me and somewhere there is a soul whose life would be changed if I step into it...

Reunion and Reconcilation!

2006-02-05T03:15:00.000-08:00

“There is one day when the Past shall meet your Future…”
I guess I was so busy trying to settle down in college that I really missed out on looking back at my school life. Didn’t regret much for it either till one day, when a post-card arrived, inviting me for the Annual Old Student Reunion.

One might have expected me to feel rather happy at getting a chance to bury a few ghosts, but trust me I was scared. I felt guilty for feeling scared…sad for feeling guilty and yeah, ended up in a big emotional turmoil. Mom, being an old student of the school herself, suggested that I go (along with a few sarcastic remarks on my plans of spending the day) and this surely didn’t help me feel better… I didn’t know what was troubling me so badly, but I needed an outlet. So when dad was dropping me in the bus-stand, I came out with a confession… I burst out telling “Dad, this whole reunion thingy makes me feel like going out to dine with an ex-husband!”

The natural reaction anyone might expect of my dad was a big guffaw at the pathetic statement I made. But thank God, he really understood what I was trying to say. Going back to school, especially for a reunion meant so many things to me… It meant reliving memories both good and bad, laughing at the old jokes, crying for the lost opportunities, meeting so many people who would bring back so many things that I had always wished to bury. This is painful, but then that pain made me realize that I was attached to me school more that I ever imagined myself to be, emotionally, spiritually though at present not physically.

I decided to go… It was a decision that came from deep within my heart and with my head approving it. And I went… The colour of the day was Purple, and as I donned that dress I couldn’t help thinking about the times I had worn it to school…It was considered one of my lucky dresses and I had worn it for a couple of plays…This brought back memories of those long practice sessions, the bunking of classes, being yelled at in the staff-room for having made too much of noise, bad grades and the unexpected good ones, friends, chatting, lunch in the corridors, canteen, breaks and every little heartache. I wanted to quit. This was getting emotional and I certainly didn’t want to cry. Nevertheless, it was too late, for I was in the car with mom, on the way to school.

The moment I saw the old arc bearing the name of my school in bold letters, I experienced the same anxiety… My hand automatically reached out for my school bag to pull out my notebook and check for incomplete homework. Gently chided myself for being so nervous. The memories started crowding and drowning my senses… Seeing my batch mates, my seniors and my teachers, I felt numb, the numbness that comes after too experiencing too many emotions… But then this cleared and surprisingly I felt happy… Happy to be back where I was always cherished, happy to meet my past, happy to see those old buccaneers (Arrrrr… We were old sea scums!) and most happy to reconcile with the past!

The reunion was a very enjoyable one (we kept commenting during the biz meet which we hadn’t dared to do in our school days, and shrieking during the games). I of course won a couple of games (three out of the four games held…hey, I’m being modest!) and was envied once more by all my friends (boy, am I good or what!)…When I read my winning caption for the year “When we look back at the times we cried we will laugh now, but when we look back at the times we laughed together, it will bring tears” I meant every word…I was too engrossed in conversation to notice what I had for lunch, but overall, it was a great day… My mobile contacts list was doubled, my spirits renewed, old memories relived and as I passed the statue of Our Lady, I knew that my heart had a special place for my Alma Mater and that I would always trace my roots back there! Vive JOSA!

The festivity....

2005-11-01T01:00:00.000-08:00

"What are your plans for diwali?"...This question was repeated so many times in the past one week, by almost every one of us. Almost a rhetorical question for which we generally don’t expect an answer, or even if we do get one, we are least interested. Let me not put down this repeated question for in my own case, it has often aided to start a conversation, to divert attention from some undesirable topics or in some occasions, to stop a conversation.
Festivals are generally associated with certain standard things. And in the case of Diwali, it inevitably points to crackers, sweets, new clothes and of course the "ganga snanam", the early morning oil bath that leaves all those morn-haters ruffled badly. But then, subconsciously each of us conjure different pictures of any festival, images that are hardly associated with these material aspects.
Elaborating a bit on this, I think talking about Diwali would be apt. Diwali, in my opinion extends much beyond the usual festivities. It is the one day of the year when my entire family comes together. I had always taken this for granted but then looking around I came to see that this was really a rare happening. We've all become so mechanical, each engrossed in his/her individualism that we forget to come together. Now, when I say my family, it isn’t just the four of us (dad, mom, my sis and me). It includes my paternal grandparents, maternal grandparents, my uncle, his wife, her parents and any of my relatives from abroad who happens to visit India during this time. And in this gathering I see more than just the coming together of people. It is more like the breaking down of mental barriers, over-coming of obstacles and unification of spirits. I don’t claim my family to be a perfect one. We all have different shortcomings. We've argued, fought, wound each other's heart and sometimes driven each other mad. But this festival provides an occasion for us to forget it all and those strings of family spirit and compassion keep us bound. The day usually begins with the ladies of our house-hold (not me!!) trying to wake the men and the kids (I come here) up. A really difficult task coz we'd have crashed only at around 2am after long chats. Once we are all up and awake (???), there is generally a round of coffee and then begins the 'nalangu'. It gets everybody into the festive spirits instantly. Nalangu basically includes the application of the nalangu, the oil in the hair and feeding the person with a banana! Most of us hate the oil and the banana part and so the proceedings get funnier every second. Then it is of course followed by the oil bath, new clothes etc. Then comes the bursting of crackers. My uncle (who came from London, where he is currently doing his intern, just for diwali) and Dad are usually the bravest and they test-fire most of those awfully loud stuff. After another round of chatting, it would be time for the family lunch. Another very interesting affair, in which the first 'pandhi' is served by the ladies and the second by the men. A really gregarious and hearty affair, aided by a sumptuous menu, after which most of us would be very drowsy. Then generally we pack up and come to our place, crash and then get ready for the evening dinner at our place where once again the entire family comes together.
Hence for me, diwali flashes an image of all the women-folk busy in the kitchen, the men chatting in the hall, us kids playing (now replaced by watching TV,really!) and the general sense of well-being. I see most festivals in the same eye, like Sri jayanthi involves the family bhajan with every one of us singing away to glory, Pongal, with its 'plate and spoon' orchestra etc. What matters again is that special touch given to each routine by a very special gift called family. And I thank God every single day for that driving force behind each day....My family!

Perfect- the shortest story....

2005-10-04T06:57:00.000-07:00

Herez my shortest post with a 55 word short story...

He looked absolutely charming in the wedding attire. She had dreamt of this since the day she had first met him and all through the years they were in love. Everything was perfect, the beautiful spring day, the flowers, the birds, their music and ofcourse him. Everything except that she was not the bride!

I was tagged by Rajeev and I proceed to tag Sindhu and VJ.

Transfer of moods

2005-09-25T07:26:00.000-07:00

We can all imagine this scene perfectly as most of us have gone through it or rather are going through it very frequently. Coming back home after a perfectly lousy day, gone completely wrong, when you feel totally dejected and to top it all of, your mom or dad chooses that very moment to pick up an arguement on a very trivial matter. But hey this is not yet over.....If you have a sibling, he or she becomes the vent to all that pent up anger and depression...Or you'd land up wetting your pillows...There is no use of denying that this has never happened to you.
Its now that we have to take a look at this phenomenon of mood transfer. I'd give a small warning to all those people who cannot tolerate even a little bit of boredom, this post might seem a bit boring, but if you do have the patience to read it till the end I guess you'd be doing yourself and the world a good deed.
Most oft than not, we serve as emotional vents or to put it in a better manner, as punching bags to people whom we just cant afford to avenge . And in turn, we pounce on our subordinates or somebody whom we know would not retaliate and they,unable to get back at us,on someone else and this continues on without an end.
I'd like to give a small illustration. It so happened that one of lecturers, seemingly upset over a quarrel with her husband(how typical!), gave us an extra assignment and a really horrifying deadline(she asked us to submit it the very next day). This ofcourse was given a generous dosage of the most unparlimentary language possible in a class. Ofcouse we were all upset and angry, so I entered home, lets say, not in one of my best spirits, just to be further aggrevated when my mom confronted me with something I had forgotten to do. Normally, I might have just accepted my mistake with an apology but being in a state that I was, I retaliated in a not-so-pleasing manner that just was not acceptable from the guilty party. Then again, if my mom was her normal self, she'd have just given me a mild warning and would have left me to brood. But then, having had a long and tiring day with 2 surgeries and post-ops to attend, she didnt let me go that easily. And yeah, before either of us could stop, it grew into a big arguement, which ended with me slamming my door.
If we look into every one of such situations, we'd find that we have erred by not keeping our moods to ourself but by having it thrown upon someone who just wasnt involved. It is completely human to do this. So what I ask of you, is just to stop throwing around your sorrows and fears and trying to spread a little sunshine. Anger often gets us into more trouble than we bargain for. Doing something on impulse not only affects us but all the people around us. The chain of misery gets us all entangled in it and unknowingly we get more and more people entangled too. So please think before you argue. An arguement with an angry person would always end in vain. And when you are angry dont argue either. It takes alot of self control to restrain yourself but then come on, a cheap victory is certainly not as great as a moral one. And remember that whenever you hurt someone, you dont hurt that person alone, but a whole bunch of people who are all least connected to you.
So right now if you are repenting for having spoilt someone's day, just try to make it up to them coz its never too late. A call, a card, a small gift or even a simple hug could make things much better and your heart lighter. Learn to forgive and forget and make lives brighter!

The Great Spoon Robbery!

2005-09-17T04:05:00.000-07:00

I intend on making this a very short post. But knowing me well, I might end up making it the longest. As of now, I am in my fav position with my fingers playing on the keyboard and my thoughts flowing faser than I can type(which is pretty fast). I had never imagined, not even once during my school days, that I would be missing them so much. I remember having whined, complained and bitched about so many things, all of which I am missing now. My friends(though a couple of us are in the same coll we never get to meet as oft as we like),my enemies(too strong a word maybe, but come on I still havent got to liking them....tolerate....maybe), my teachers( really! the good and the bad ones too) and so many other things and people that I have always taken for granted. Most of all I miss my exams. I never slogged too hard, never had night outs, never spent time worrying whether losing a mark would make me ineligible for a campus interview in the final year or by how much my CGPA would fall. Exams were half-day affairs in school, a subject a day, and they used to be spread over a period of atleast 3 weeks followed by a 10-day holiday. Here in coll I am struggling to get used to the idea of writing 2 papers a day, not knowing word, finishing exams in a week and getting the results immediately.
But there ae a few common threads between coll and school. Like the chats in the corridors, sleeping in class( that goes on everywhere!), passing notes in between classes,assignments (I finish them on time though I dont see Mrs.Mary with her long wooden ruler anywhere) and ofcourse the canteen.
My school canteen, as I recollect, had a small counter, which was forever crowded. Not thatit had a great variety of items(it certainly didnt) but it did have a set of 'forever-in demand' stuff like thenmittai(candy with honey inside), macroons, butter biscuits and the star item samosas. These were the standard items till I came to the high school and then the tastes of the students escalated and the management had to makes changes to cope up with it. When I entered the school parliment in 12th, we,the ministers, improvised the canteen and that was one of our first successful acts, as the decisions were unanimous. So when I left school, my canteen has risen to the status of providing lunch which was "Friyani"(for ppl wh are confused as to whatthis strange delicacy may be,let me enlighten you by telling you that it is just Biriyani, a common rish dish, spelt this way on the canteen board) and curd rice.
So one can imagine my awe, on entering my college canteen on the very first day shrugging away the threats of ragging, when I saw a board with around 75 items, classified into 6 categories (God, I'm good at remembering things like this) and seeing the crowd which several times greater than what I was accustomed to. I had the courage to order a sweet lime juice, and with several seniors surrounding me, didnt have the courage to hang around any more than I was supposed to. But then within a week, we had familiarised ourselves with the canteen. It is one of those wonderful places, where everything was cheap but delicious, and there would be a big crowd forever.
It was pretty much of a rude shock, when I was playing "Who dares" with my friends one day, that I was dared to steal a spoon from the canteen. Well some of them had got stuff that were really tragic and horrible and so I was consoling myself with the fact that I was lucky, but still, I was never good at stealing, even something as insignificant and trivial as a spoon from the college canteen.
But then a dare was a dare and I was not prepared to be branded a chicken. And that particular day, the canteen seemed more crowded than ever and I had this eerie feeling that everyone was watching what I did. It took me several moments to shrug off that strange notion and go over to the lunch counter. I had ordered a plate of noodles and gobi 65. While I was waiting in the counter, my eyes scanned for the tray of spoons and fork and voila! I spotted it a few yards from where I was standing.
It was one of those moments, when you are under great strain, that you would end up missing something really stupid, and in my case it was the pockets in my school uniform. Things would have been infinitely smoother if I did have a pocket but then again I didnt. And so I was standing there,sweating hard, trying my best to get my hands to pick one of those spoons. It felt horrible, my hands got clammy, my knees weak, my heart thudding so loud that it reminded me of the drums in a heavy metal band and my mind getting disoriented to the maximum. I dont know how it happened but it did happen and I found myself with a spoon in my hand. And to my luck, the guy handed my parcels neatly kept in a plastic bag and I walked away as quickly as I could manage. When I was finally outside, I tried to put the spoon inside the bad and since my hands were trembling badly, I dropped it. One chappie, who had just come out, picked it up and gave it to me(thanks buddy) and I rushed back to class, nearly ran for my dear life.

Epilogue:

I did complete my dare and it was soon forgotten as most things are by almost all of us (except me ofcourse). I didnt have the heart to keep or throw the spoon away, so I made sure I placed it back in the canteen the very next day, much to the amusement of my friends. This part, I prefer not to describe in detail as I have already exceeded my quota for this post. Then again "All's well that ends well". The end.

The so-called destiny...

2005-08-13T02:54:00.000-07:00

The hibernation is abruptly cut short and I am thrust forward to blog something after a long time just because I hate to see my pen getting rusty. Its been pretty long...lets say a month...since my bliss-filled days of pure vettiness faded into oblivion. But these lessons I did learn in those 101 summer days(except for the ones in my entrance classes which I forgot even before the exams)are tucked safely in my memory. These days saw me evolving steadily to accept a new life after leaving my school, my haven for 14 years(thats almost like saying my entire lifetime...I'm just 18!)..This certainly wasnt the most easy part of growing up, aint the best either but just one more milestone crossed.
It was pretty terrifying, this transformation, coz I was warned every single day that I'd be encountering a totally different atmosphere....or to quote most "The real world"....Now being a John Mayer fan, I'd rather say "There's no such thing". Life is pretty much the same, people are pretty much the same, everything goes on as it used to but it is just that I've changed a bit.
Mom always used to say that life is never too fair and that even if you give your best, you might not get back something what equals your effort. Most of my friends did say the same after the results were released, more still after they got into colleges. There was this intolerable barrier of partiality in every single thing I encountered these days, starting from my vacation in Srilanka to the admission process. If merit and hardwork were to ensure success the world would be totally different and I would not have to suppress a cynical outburst of laughter over one of my friends,a truely happy-go-lucky gal, below-average rank holder who managed to scrape through the exams getting into a really prestigious college ,into a much sought after group through recommendation from some big-shot(Anna University, BE Comp Sc) when my school toppers got into some anonymous colleges. Neither of them are to be blamed. Both got something that they didn’t deserve but something they are destined for. And that is exactly where we encounter this phenomenon of a pre-written destiny.
I, on the other hand, never gave much and never expected much either. So there was no room for disappointment. Just maybe a little wave of shock over the stark difference (or indifference) that prevails in this world. Oft I had wondered if every single life was already designed, crafted and set and as Shakespeare enunciates that man is just an actor who merely plays the role offered, a role that was again written well before it was actually played. The feeling that there is something called fate, which is well above the reach of man, well beyond his abilities to alter ,gives me the creeps.
Going a little deeper, I wonder what Karma is all about. So I consulted my residential philosophers(my dad and grandpa) concerning the same and got further intrigued. This age-old story of births, rebirths, the balance of good and bad deeds, chithragupta’s good ol’ black book may not be rediscussed. Most of us even shrug them off as mythical, hypothetical and nonsensical. But come to think of it scientifically, you know what I’m gonna say, but I’d say it again, Newton’s third law. Going a little off-track, I’d like to state that it is one of my favorites as it is simple, concise, the easiest to understand and ofcourse reproduce in the paper. “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction”. This may be the simplest form of putting the theory of Karma. Do good and goodness shall surround you. Do evil and evil would be what you get in return. There is no chance of cancellation of good and evil. If I ever do kill a person to make another live, then I’d be tried for both the actions and the rewards and reprimanding would both be effected to the fullest. No one can escape this cycle.
Observing more and more happenings, I was convinced of the existence of the pre-written destiny. Then, I wondered, why we have to work if our efforts go in vain, why we have to struggle if someone else was to walk away with the benefits or basically why we should go out of our way to achieve if we could get what was destined sitting where we are.
The answer again is pretty simple, and it is just the question without the question mark(wish questions in my exams would be that way{sigh}) We are destined to do certain things that we would end up doing no matter how hard we try not to. A simple example would be that this was definitely not the topic I intended to write on but you know I did end up writing it. There comes destiny again…..
The joy of living would be lost if one were to know the future exactly. But trust me, no one except the Great Maker himself is capable of giving such a detailed account. People say it is possible through astrology, but as far as I know(being deeply interested in astrology), it just gives an outline leaving us to fill the picture. Life would always remain unpredictable to us, bearing loads and loads of mysteries, surprises and twists that would always come as a blot in the clear sky. So then I decided that even though something called destiny exists, it is really good to sometimes just forget that concept and take to life as a new born does. And for all those of you who are really irritated and confused after reading this post, and are right now wondering why you did waste your time reading this, console yourself with the thought that this was a part of you destiny……

On death and dying...

2005-06-28T03:19:00.000-07:00

This is one of the most unexpected topics I'm writing after a series of tags...Even I didnt expect to write this for a couple of hours ago I was working on another...How it struck me is a story by itself...
I was in the middle of a novel, about to fall eagerly into the arms of Somnus, who was enticing me into an aftenoon nap when my mom asked me to send an important mail...Quickly shaking off the sleeping-sand from my eye-lids, I sent the mail and was about to log off when I saw my friend online...It had been nearly a month since we spoke,but we did manage to keep in touch through scraps..Their family had hosted us in Srilanka and they've been our family friends for more than 30 years....So I began chattering a dozen to one(my usual style) and chided her playfully for having been dormant so long...It was then the shattering truth came out, her father was dead! It was like a blow,painful and sudden, I felt hot tears stinging my eyes...For a second I thought(wistful thinking)she was joking...But sadly this is not a matter that one talks about so lightly and I had to face it, he was gone...That one moment bringing back to my mind some dark moments tucked away in my mind,never to be erased...
Death or dying strictly stuck on to the screens in my life for a long time..As a child, I believed that the people who died would just get back to life the very next day(as in movies) and later I believed that they would join the numerous stars in the velvet sky..It was only when I was 13 and my great gran passed away that I felt the pain, the huge void in my heart,in the place where I had placed her..It was quite sudden and my mom kept telling me that she had died a peaceful death without having had to endure too much pain...But for me, it seemed impossible for my life to move along without having her with me...She meant alot to me and it took me years to accept the fact that she was gone....
Then I lost my best friend within a year..Nalini and I were more than friends, we were what they say "twin souls"..It was like replaying the incident all over...A friend calling up one night telling me that she was badly injured in an accident and within a few minutes a call saying that she was dead..It was way too sudden and I was too shocked to react...She was too young to die and I kept wishing that night that someone would call me the next day and would call it a joke and that we could laughter over it together...It never happened....
The tragedy is not death of the person but the death of something in you..When a person means alot to us, they become a part of us...So in their going away, we mourn not only for their departure but for the part in us that has gone away with them...Sometimes it takes so long for people to get over and accept the fact that they could never again come home to see their loved one's face, share a hug, hear their voice or even think about them without feeling the pain...The last moments we spent with them stand in perpetuum somewhere in us...
I remember vividly the time in Colombo when we were playing in the lawns making as much noise as possible and Gemunu uncle watching us with his wife and my parents, everyone laughing at our antics...and the last phone call Nalini made, with both of us giggling over some private joke and discussing about the colour of her prom dress...and the last song I sang to my great-gran the day before she left to the hospital and her smile...some pictures that were painted with a mixture of love,laughter,tears, sunshine, emotions that were too strong,some subtle..with so many things that we just cant describe but these pictures would be wtched in my heart forever,along with many memories....I dont know still what death is and I may not till I die...But all I know is, death is never really the end...In death, we all are born again..in someone's heart as a memory...like an old melody that still floats in the breeze, never to fade away completely....not truely there but always remembered...

Tamizh film-music tag

2005-06-27T04:44:00.000-07:00

Being dead bored and a person with enough tamil film-music knowledge..here goes this post

Number of albums I own
Never bothered to count...Must be well beyond the 500 mark

First Album that I bought
Since my mom and uncle used to collect alot of cassettes(my uncle still does),there has always been a steady inflow..but my very own first album was "P.Susheela's hits"(I generally buy collections)

Last Album I bought(not including downloaded stuff)
”Kalakkal” by Smitha
Ofcourse my sis bought all the latest film songs like Anniyan,CM etc.

Currently listening to
“Snehidhane” from Alaipayuthey

Albums that I'd want to take with me if marooned on a deserted island(20 albums):
Gimme a computer with broadband….I’d run out of the 20 albums very fast..Atleast that’ll help me download songs …I love many a single song amidst the rest in the movie..One day I plan to take a list and compile them into volumes of my favorite songs….As for the 20(I have to answer this question) here is the quickie list..

P.Susheela’s greatest hits
SPB golden hits
Yesudas’s Classical Live Vol-7
Sudha Ragunathan’s “Tamil Golden Hits”
TMS-a tribute
Nayagan
Alaipayuthey
Kandukonden Kandukonden
Iruvar
Sirai Chaalai
Rythem
Mudhalvan
Kadhalan
Padayappa
Thenali
Bombay
Hey nee romba azhaga irukka
Kannathil Muthamitaal
Nerukku Ner
Vetri Vizhaa…

Favourite singers
Male:SPB, TMS ,PB Srinivas
Female:P.Susheela, Chitra

Duets: SPB-Chitra, TMS-P Susheela, UnniKrishnan-Harini

Songs that you are most likely to hear me sing or hum:
I am always known to burst into songs...From new hits to old tunes..herez a list of my favorites...I think I've left out many coz the songs change with moods...
"Nila kaakirathu"-Indra
"Kannalane"-Bombay
"Ennai pandhada pirandhavale"-Ullam Ketkume
"Yenge enathu kavithai" and "Kannamoochi yenada” -from Kandukondain Kandukondain
“Ennai koncham maatri” and “Ondra renda” from Kaaka Kaaka
"Senthoora poove"-16 vayathinile
"Naan sirithaal deepavali" and "Nee oru kaadal sangeetham"-Nayagan
"Andha sivagaami maganidam"-Patanathil bootham
“Raagangal 16” -Thillu Mullu
“Kuzhal oodum kannan” -Mella Thirandhathu Kathavu
“Maalai pozhuthin mayakathile” -P.Susheela’s hits(forgot the movie’s name though)
“Thedinen vanthathu” -Ooty Varai Uravu
“Inji idupazhaka” -Devar magan

These strike me now…I still have plenty to write but then again it would get really boring

Favorite Lyrics:

I love good lyrics and sadly these days the film songs have pathetic lyrics…Here are some of my all time favorites

Kaalangalil aval vasantham…by PB Srinivas..It is a great song…One of Kannadhasan’s best works
“Paal pol siripathil pillai
Pani pol anaipathil kanni
Kan pol valarpathil annai
Aval kavingyan aakinaal ennai”

Minnale nee vandhu ponadhen…May maadham
“Kanneeril thee valarthu naan kaathirukiren
Un kaal adi thadathil thaan poothirukkiren”

Maalai pozhuthin mayakathile…
“Avar maraven maraven endrar udane
marandhu vittaar thozhi”

Vellai pookal..Kannathil Muthamitaal
“Kodi keerthanamum kavi paadum paadalkalum
Oru mounam pol inbam tharumaa?”

Unnakenna melae nindrai…Simla Special
“Paal undu vaazhum pillai
Nool kondu aadum bommai
Nool enna undhan kayilla
Nee sollu nandhalaala”

Pani kaatre- Run
“Iruvarume thoongi vidalaam..silla jenmam thaandi ezhalaam
Kanavil naam thinamum sandhipom”

Idhu oru pon maalai pozhuthu…….
“Vaanam ennakoru bodhi maram
Naalum adhu oru seithi tharum
Oru naal ulagu neethi perum
Thiru naal viraivil thedivarum”

Kannukku mai azhagu…Pudhiya mugam
“Kannukku mai azhagu kavithaikku poi azhagu
Avaraikku poo azhagu avarukku naan azhagu”

Mazhai thuli…Sangamam
“Thanni ila meen azhutha karaikku oru kavalaiyum varuvathillai
ennakullae naan azhudha en kaneer thodaikavum yaaumillai”

Kadavul paathi mirugam paathi…Aalavanthaan
“Nadhakumaara Nandhakumaara
Mazhai neer sudaathu theriyaatha
Kannil vadikira kaneer thuli thaan
Ven neer thuli yenna arivaaya
Sutta mazhayum sudatha mazhaiyum ondraai kandavan nee thane
Kaneer mazhail thaneer mazhayai kulikka vaithavan nee thane”

I think ten should make a decent list…

So I should thank k7 for tagging me and I proceed to tag Sindhu and VJ

The "Know me" tag

2005-06-25T05:54:00.000-07:00

I thought I had successfully evaded this topic..but then Sindhu has tagged me…
One particular acquaintance of mine called tagging “some jobless moron’s idea” but then, hey ain’t we all jobless as of now(I disagree with the ‘moron’ part though)..So here I go…

Three Names I go by:
Asha
Ash
CC...(never ask me the expansion!!!)
Three names I was give other than Asha:
Ranganayaki
Mrinalini
Charanya
Three screen names:
asha_sunil14
charanya_87
Mystic
Three physical things I like about myself:
Hmm…
My eyes(it is my best feature)
My nose(not too pointed not too stubby..just the right size)
My lips…(a bit small but I like it)
Three physical things I dont like about myself:
Goddamn this question….
My figure..(holidays have generously added some pounds)
My hair..(used to be long and thick but right now it is dry and dull)
My feet..(huh….this is a long story…)
Three parts of my heritage:
Trichy..(the place where I was born and have spent most of my life)
Chennai..(my frequent haunt…used to be my fantasy to stay there..but no longer)
Kumbakonam..(3/4ths of my ancestry traces back to Kumbakonam)
Three things that scare me:
Failure…(I’ve always been scared failure even as a kid…still am but not to that extent…I’ve never understood why I have this fear but this is something that has been my asset and liability)
Most exhibition rides..(like the giant wheel, disco chairs etc...I get very sick after the rides)
Toads and other slimy creatures…(eeks and yuck!!!!)
Three things I want in a relationship:
Love….( lots of it from both sides is more than enough but I have to give two more points)
An easy sharing of thoughts..(something I cannot do without)
Mutual respect…(this is very very essential)
Three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to me:
Now don’t say I’m too ambitious coz I don’t really expect much..
Bold and well defined features…(includes charismatic eyes and….hey I better stop before I embarrass myself)
Smile…(with a good sense of humor too…my dream guy should be able to knock me off with his smile)
Hair-style..(note this down coz I feel that the right kinda hairstyle that suits the guy is very much a turn-on)
Three things I want to do badly right now:
Go for a long swim in the river(but sadly no water in Cauvery)
Finish cleaning my room(next to impossible)
Freak out in a party
Three places I want to go on a vacation:
All over Europe…
Hawaii
Australia
Three things to do before I die:
If only wishes came true
Write a best-seller
Go on a world tour
Buy and live in a villa in say France or Italy…..hmm…
Three of my everyday essentials:
My scribble pad
My computer
My bedside novel
Three things I am wearing right now:
A gold chain..(gifted by my great gran)
My T-shirt and baggy..(the T-shirt reads..”If you know what is in my mind..U wudnt be smiling” my cousin’s fav caption)
A large hairclip..(to hold back my hair in a bun)
Three reasons why I'm posting this:
Because Sindhu tagged me
Because my blog lacked my intro
Mainly because I’m jobless for the next 15 days….

Since I have no-one to tag now, I guess I must be the last one to write this embarrassing topic..And if you have read this..I congratulate you for being the most patient person on earth..Thank u..

Peaceful-the effect

2005-06-20T08:36:00.000-07:00

If you were wondering right now whether I am alluding to guitarist Prassana's album, I would answer a yes and a no to your unvoiced question..The album was definitely enchanting especially Culture of Silence and Peaceful-the effect. But then, if you are thinking that I'm going to go any deeper, think again..
Its been pretty long since I woke up in the morning so refreshed, with the wind whistling and painting numerous ripples in the nearby pool of water and the sun hidden behind the clouds with a coy smile.... wait! this is getting a bit too poetic...Not that today dawned literally more beautiful than the rest, but it is just that I woke up in a fantastic mood...I can owe it to the well-rested night after yesterday's endless activities or the successful completion of the painting I began two years ago or even to my sister's thoughtful gesture of massaging my broken leg last night (though it was very painful!).. I guess I'll just lie back typing this and not search for answers...
I’ve found myself humming the lyrics of the famous song “enge nimathi..?” (Where can I find peace…Give me a place to live there?) half-jokingly many a time when I am kinda stressed out…But this is one topic I had enough time to ponder on the past few days…I have always associated rest with peace-which has proved to be totally wrong…So hoping to set myself right, I embarked on the journey for the quest of the ultimate sources of peace…and here I am sharing my ideas and my findings..
I started to first de-stress myself…This was pretty tough for I had to do two really hard things…discover my inner-most feelings that trouble me and get over them…worse still..learn to accept most things that I found unpalatable…I got into a great deal of trouble because of this(not worth mentioning..nah!)..Not that I have accomplished these two tasks to the fullest, but I still gave a solid try…Life, instead of clearing, became more and more muddled…but then again, if life was to be functioning logically how dull it would be..Deciding that I was barking the wrong tree and being typically me..I quit thinking about this and it slowly slipped out of my mind…
It was quite some days later…one night rather…while returning from somewhere(I don’t remember where really)..traveling along the highway, with the wind in my hair, the melodious strains of “Kakka Kakka” songs in the background and my sis cuddled against me in the car that I did start thinking about it again…for at that moment I felt very content(sleepy too) and peaceful…
Peace, as most of us think, is not a commodity…It cannot be bought or brought upon no matter how much we attempt to…It is something that is found in abundance, even in these days, and all we have to do is just to look around just to find that it has already found us…Where we find peace varies from person to person, time to time……
Then I did start listing out the times when I really felt peaceful…..the list was surprising very very long(and to imagine that I hadn’t known that before)..It oscillated between low-key stuff like family dinners, playing with my sister, reading a nice book, hanging out in the veranda after lunch break gossiping, sipping a glass of cold juice after a sports day practice session, writing a poem, laying in a hot afternoon or just gazing outside the window to really conspicuous activities like my class seminars, cultural meets, expensive vacations(ref to Sigiriya in my SL trip)…That was truly surprising coz I never knew that I had thoroughly enjoyed and relished so many moments in the past 18 years…
So..for all those people there, who are really stressed out, in tears, seeking release and relief , I say, don’t wait to remove your stress as it had to be done whenever you feel stressed…. Just drop all what you are doing for a couple of seconds…close your eyes…think of a loved one’s smile and bring one on your lips…hum your favorite tune and feel good….May peace descend in all our lives as subtle and as beautiful as the spring-time breeze or the gentle swish of the dove’s wings…

A tale of tales...

2005-06-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

A tale of tales…This is something I’ve always been wanting to write on but never had the push till I was tagged…When I kinda wonder where to start, this little mental image pops up...Comfortable and cozy in my great grandma’s lap, listening with rapt attention to her wonderful narration of mythology, her expressive voice drawing me into the realms of strange kingdoms, wars,princes and princesses…She was my “mobile de bibliotheque”(pardon my French!) a person who inspired me to read, sing and basically live life to the fullest. Born with a passion for reading (not self-praise really!),it became an obsession because of my dad. He was an avid reader who was rarely seen without a book by his bed-side. He was a great story-teller and used to tuck me in to sleep with his ever fascinating stories. I used to wonder as a kid if he’d ever run out of stories..Much to my glee,he never did, still never does but right now he has turned to non-fiction and philosophy.
So I did grow up amidst books. I was often found, as a kid, lost in some fairy tale probably trying to ward off the villains or dance at the wedding of the princesses. Being an obsessive reader, I finished the entire Enid Blyton collection before my fifth standard. I had inherited (?!!) so many books from my mom and dad..Among them, my favorites were a collection of Ukrainian folk tales, some classics like Alice in wonderland, Treasure Island, a set of Tinkle’s mythology series and a sci-fi book called “2000 miles under”. It was some where at that point when I wrote my first story “Ivan and his horse”…I was inspired by this Ukrainian folk character Ivan who of course starred in my first story…
Then there was this period in which I read classics non-stop. That was because of my teacher Mrs.Stephan who introduced the concept of writing reviews of the books we read. Classics certainly gave me more to comment on. First the abridged versions and much later the unabridged versions occupied my cluttered book shelves. I’ve still not got over my liking for classics but hey isn’t that what classics are meant for?
Stepping into adolescence, I started with thrillers, romances and whodunits like Agatha Criste, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys and yeah, Mills and Boons did enter my life…Pretty much the same fairy tale structure, same story line but different characters was what I found in most of my M&Bs…I’ve gotta couple of them with me still but the books really worth mentioning are “To marry a stranger” and “Rings of fire”..These stood apart from the proto-type M&Bs with an excellent and sensible story line and fantastic language. It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t pay homage to the “queen of whodunits” Agatha Criste…I’ve never put down any of her books before I finished her last page even if it meant a great dose of scolding from my mom…
I often tried to imitate the most famous detective Sherlock Holmes and despite of succeeding very rarely, I still never gave up the idea of becoming his successor..Laugh if you want to but hey, he was one guy whom I never could accept as a fictional character..I guess Arthur Conan Doyle must have been really upset having Holmes cloud his extensive historical works(I’ve tried two books) but Holmes-Watson team surely rules!!!!…I relish narrating these to my sister as her bed-time story..
I’ve surfed through virtually most of the famous works of Jeffrey Archer, Danielle Steel, Wilbur Smith, Sidney Sheldon, Michael Crichton, John Denver, Mary Higgins Clarke, Edgar Allan Poe and the rest…Sidney Sheldon dominated my reading time for a year till I got absolutely frustrated with his style of writing that I switched on to Jayne Ann Krentz…Now she is not so popular but her books are basically on corporate romances mainly and I loved them…
J.K Rowling brought in her magical Harry Potter Series to which I was introduced(rather forced to read) by my cousin…I did enjoy her first three books immensely but then the charm faded..I’ve got a few friends who do go bananas over HP(Daniel Radcliff does play a role in their craze) who’ve booked for their copies of the sixth book about 2 months ago…I say the magic was long lost…
My current pick is P.G.Wodehouse, his not-too-subtle English humor and his comical virtual world..It often made me yearn to be one of his characters whose principal worry was to choose dresses, think about the “annual fat pig contest”, make and break up engagements, have dinner parties and yeah, such trivial but still entertaining prospects…
H.H Munro also has this great sense of English humor though his inclines to a more satirical and subtle humour..I strongly recommend these two writers for a perfect holiday light-reading…
I’ve also had this fascination for serial murder stories(still do) and I’ve read so many of them(most of them really stupid) of which my favs are “Eyes” ,”Preying Mantis”,” The Vanishing Act” and “Somewhere Someplace”…

I did try my hand (or eyes rather) on non-fiction too…This includes a great deal of biographies, auto-biographies and a few books on philosophy…

Well now I think it’s time for me to sum up
1. Books I own…..I really don’t know as I’ve just got too many
2. Books I like……Same here..Too many to name a few
3.Books I recently bought…..Wilbur Smith’s “River God”, Crichton’s “Congo”, James Hadly Chase’s “You find him, I’ll fix him”,Saki’s collection of short stories, “Anthology of Crime and Murders”, “World’s best 500 short stories” to name a few
4. Books I read recently…..Now that I am sitting vetti, I’ve been reading too many books to remember

I really couldn’t give an indepth write-up because I’d never be able to finish it…

Now and then, you’d still find me engrossed in an Enid Blyton, some fairy tale or an Wodehouse ..Well that’s my idea of a perfect escape from reality…

Summer in Srilanka

2005-06-02T03:28:00.000-07:00

So it feels great to be back blogging again...esp after a long vacation...And to blog about the vacation feels really nice....Its like gettin to feel the hot sun turning u really brown in Kaluthara or getting lost in the crowds of Kandy on Vesak or just trying to eat hoppers for breakfast all over again......and hey if you still havent gotta clue, I'd been to Srilanka...
Despite many warnings and good natured leg-pulling from most of my friends about LTTE and Tsunami, I did spend a great holiday in Ceylon...Here is a really interesting anecdote to get started with...Did any of you know that the word "Serendipity"(the discovery of beauty by accident or coincidence) is coined from the word "Seredip" which was another name for Srilanka by the ancient seafaring Greeks?I certainly didnt(my ignorance in etimology) and this piece of info that I came across in a magazine and the lovely landscapes in Kanathil Muthamitaal raised my expections about Srilanka...
It was 7:30AM, 22nd May and I was in the Trichy airport to board the flight in about an hour and it just struck me that I'm actually going to an international destination...And when such a thought did dawn in my mind, I got into the "feel-good" factor and when I stretched out my limbs as a sign of total relaxation , I stubbed my toe....The bleeding toe was just the beginning of the very long day that lay ahead....But then I think I can skip the part of me getting extremely sick in the flight, the bumpy plane ride due to the rain clouds and me falling into an uneasy sleep as soon as getting into the vehicle outside the airport....When I did wake up I felt like asking the question "where am I?" but then half scared that my parents would accuse me of watching too many dumb films in the hols, I forced my tired eyes to scan the place....It was the elephant orphange at Pinnawala...Quickly recovering and regaining my spirits, I joined my family to take a look of the baby elephants being fed.....There was nothing unusual but for the large feeding bottles, several litres of milk , tonnes of sugarcane and a multitude of elephants....This was followed by their bathing time(eat and then bathe....how I'd love to do that....).It was really sweet to watch the elephants frolic in the water..For people who plan to spend some more time in Pinnawala consider the option of staying in "Elephant Park Hotel" which faces the river...It was a great place filled with tourists....I resumed sleeping in the van till we reached Kandy...It was nearly 4pm when we reached Hotel Topaz.....Hotel Topaz , I must say, is probably one of the best places to stay in Kandy.....Nearer to the town, with a really cool view and great facilities, it is undoubtly a very comfy place to be in..After struggling with a really weird lunch(?!), we went to the "tooth relic temple”…The temple, in all aspects(expect ofcourse cleanliness) reminded me of Kerala….It was the day before Vesak(Buddha’s bday) and the temple was being decorated for the same…The tooth relic was by itself very unique and beautiful. It was being adorned with 7million dollors worth jewels(as grand as any of our temples)..Then after a walk downtown (it was deserted at 8pm owing to the festival the next day) and dinner, we hit the bed….
The next day I was feeling much better….I started the day with a leisurely swim in the hotel’s pool followed by a hearty breakfast…We visited the botanical gardens in Kandy..It was more or less like Ooty expect it being definitely more cleaner (trust me, I’d keep repeating this)..We were supposed to attend the Vesak procession the evening…So after some shopping for “bhakets”(lanterns) and having a short nap, we just managed to catch a glimpse of the procession…The bhakets were coloured paper lanterns of various shapes and sizes and were throughout the town along with the multicoloured Buddhist banners(I incidentally wore a top with the same colours)..After a visit to a Buddhist temple on a mountain top which had a very large Buddha statue, we enjoyed 2 hours of the cultural show organized in honour of Vesak…Then we decided to take a walk around the town(it being very small)..So we started from the hill top Kandy and then walked around the lake and the temple…This task took nearly 4 hours as the entire Srilankan population seemed to have landed in Kandy that day..The temple esp was so crowded..There was festival stalls and bhaket competition everywhere..This bhaket competition impressed me becoz it involved only youngsters…Their creativity, originality and the multitude of stalls really livened the occasion..My trip was just getting more interesting..
Dambulla caves were at the top of our agenda on the third day….Dambulla was a fortress cum temple cum gallery…It had a collection of really exquisite roof paintings and Buddha statues that really compensated for the long trek and the noisy crowd…It was certainly less cleaner than most other places we saw(there I go again)...After a short stop in a spice garden, we made it to Sigiriya…the place where nature,art and culture meets(so proclaim the SL tourism boards).
In Sigiriya, we stayed at Sigiriya village..This was by no means any comparison to an Asian village(no sir!)….It was set up on the lines of a posh American country resort with artificial ponds and cottages...The cottages though very simple,were definitely elegant and really comfortable...The place Sigiriya was very picturesque with a lot of greenery……The ancient fort and the excavation sites were indeed breathtaking and I guess I enjoyed Sigiriya the most,not only for its scenic value but also for the hotel’s emerald pool and the climate…I could go on about Sigiriya but then I have to move on..
The 7 hour journey from Sigiriya to Kaluthara was probably the most tiresome thing but then the short breaks inbetween at the Sigiriya crafts village and a small wayside inn made it a bit lighter. Reaching Hotel Villa Ocean View at 4pm on the fourth day, we had a light tea and then decided to check out its famous seaside pool….This large pool lay very near the sea and we had a great swim in the sunset..That would probably stand out really long in my memory…The next morn we had a small tour of the town which was pretty small again and left for Colombo…
Colombo was a mixture of the old and the new…Its colonial buildings, magnificent hotels,malls and the beach were really delightful..The Colombo city tour which included a visit to the museum,the old and new parliament houses, embassy areas, beach and the Buddha temple was short but very interesting..The zoological garden in Colombo was a pale shadow of Vandaloor(pathetic is the rite word)..The remaining days in Colombo were spent in the house of our friend(Mr.Gemunu and his family), shopping and visiting other friends..The last day is worth mentioning becoz we kids(me too) got to watch the movie “Lion King 1 and a half” which was downright hilarious with a huge carton of pizza and coke…..Well it did feel a bit sad leaving Srilanka despite the lousy food in all places but Colombo, the unpredictable weather and most of all the enormous differences of entry fee to any place between Srilankans and non-Srilankans(no kidding..in Sigiriya it was Rs.50 for SL and Rs.2000 for non SL…get what I mean)….Though we may encounter many a similarity between SL and India…there are always enough differences to make up for it….
The architecture, the fresco paintings, the cuisine, the people, the crafts and the ethnic aura make Srilanka , “the teardrop of the Indian ocean” stand apart from the rest of the world….Ayubowan….