A new year has come..

2008 was more than eventful! It was so full of wonderful, exciting and out-of-the-world moments... Just that it had so many things I wanted to write about but before I could write about one, the something better came.. so.. I give up trying to write anything about the year that was one of the most magical years in my life...

There was a new style of poetry I found myself experimenting.. so here are two samples from poems I managed to pen... Comments are most welcome!

I stand..

Fast lanes
Cross-roads
Everyone walking past
Everything changing
I stand- frozen
Sinking into a moment long gone
I stand- lost
Holding on to something that has moved on
I stand- waiting
To be back to the place where I think I belong
I stand- holding
Just the thought, that it wouldn’t be too long!


You and Me

The still moon
The restless clouds
The serene oak
Its dancing leaves
The clear pond
The scented breeze
The night becomes
You And Me!


And... I had the chance to see this really cute poem by someone.. If the poet gives me permission.. I shall reveal the name :D

Ode to Gmail

O simple, sincere, kindly soul
Who drew us close and made us whole,
O Google Mail, so prompt and dear,
How glad I am to have you near!

What joy I savour every time
My speaker rings with your sweet chime!
To my sore eyes how fair a sight
Her name is, next to your green light!

My trusted friend, my messenger,
The faithful bridge 'twixt me and her,
Are you a tunnel that takes love through,
Or is my first love really you?

Incomplete!!

Rules:
1. Put your MP3 player on shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. You must write the name of the song no matter what. No cheating!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY?” YOU SAY?

"Against all odds"- Mariah Carey...

hmmm... Makes sense... most things are ok.. against all odds

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

"Poongaatru un per solla"- Vetri Vizha

Wow... so romantic!! I'm starting to like this!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

"Koncha neram"- Chandramukhi

Obvi.. I like my guy to be a total romantic too! Woaah!


HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

"Akkam Pakkam"- Kireedom

I am surprised at how much sense this game can make... I really wanted some time off alone today!


WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?

"Sundari neeyum"- Micheal Madhana KamaRajan

Puhleezz... Gujaals aa irukaradhu mattume en vaaazhkaiyin kurikol illa!!! :D

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

"Love is all"- Air Supply

Now this is a totally freaky coincidence! My motto generally is "Love is all we need".. Amazing


WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

"Yaaro Yaarukkul"- Chennai 28

I am totally freaking out! enna oru amazing coincidence again!


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?


"Born to Try"- Delta Goodrem

Enna kodumai saar idhu?!!


WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?


"Raindrops keep falling on my head"- B.J Thomas

Errr.... I dont see any connection here!


WHAT IS 2+2?

"Unnai Kandene"-Parijatham

Now this makes sense ;) (fellow perverts... up to u to get it!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

"Enthan Nenjil"- Kalaingan

Dhuja dearest... sandhoshama!


WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"Unnodu Vaazhatha"- Amarkalam

Ssssuppppppeeerrrr :D


WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

he he he... this was pretty good!! infact COOL!

"All that Jazz"- Catherine Zeta Jones- Chicago

Couldnt have had a better song!


WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?


"Thoongaatha vizhigal"- Agni Natchatram

Mission Impossible!!! Totally!


WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"Something beautiful"- Robbie Williams

Bingo!! I seem to be getting a decent answer for most of the koschins!


WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

"Nee oru Kaadhal Sangeetham"- Nayagan

Woah!! This happens to be the first duet my parents sang together soon after their wedding, in a medical conference... And I was their first anniversary gift! (I was born a week before their first wedding anniversary!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

"All the way"- Celine Dion and Frank Sinatra

I will.... I most certainly will... if the guy is ok with it... I'll atleast sing this song for him... Please let the next song be something absurd or people may think I'm cheating!


WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

"Saroja saamaan nikalo"- Chennai 28

**blinks hard** not bad!


WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

"Un per solla aasai"- Hariharan

If I find the love of my life.. I can consider this hobby as a full time profession.. but first... get me the name!!

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

"Inji Idupazhaga"- Devarmagan

he he he.... **blush**

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

"Brighter than Sunshine"- Aqualung

I seriously do... You guys rock!!

(please let the next song be something wierd and not make sense.. This is way too freaky!)


WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?

This is ultimately hilarious in my opinion! Great parting shot!

"Incomplete"- Backstreet Boys

I had a great time doing this... Helped me have alot of fun... I was totally honest but the coincidences were too good.. maybe my playlist is mostly soul and country music and old melodies.. songs with lyrics that actually make sense and have a nice meaning... The next time I try this.. It'll be with a more assorted playlist.. And yeah... thanks Kesh for giving me the idea through your blog!

Herez the tagging part...

Dhuja, PA, Mighty Mani and Abi are tagged... have fun!

An arbit esoteric letter

Dear YOU……,

I haven’t written a letter in a very long time. I know I must conventionally start it with a “How are you?” as I intend to make this a conventional letter, but then again, I haven’t gone past that question in the past few months. Not that I don’t have anything more to ask. On the contrary, I’m so full of questions. Questions to which I’m ready to face the answers. Questions that can be answered only by you. But I’d rather let them go unvoiced. For I know you’d choose to ignore them, the way you ignore anything that concerns me.

I don’t have to explain why I did things the way I did them. I found them fit and I’m sure you don’t care. Saves a lot of meaningless words. Saves me the trouble of mailing you this letter and wishing you’d read it. You might ask me, if ever you read this, why I bothered to pen such an esoteric letter and blog it. Its simply because I wanted to. You’d never realize how happy it makes me to do just what I want to do, and not care how you’d feel about it. I’ve tried and tried real hard, to be accepted by you, to be someone you like, to be told that I’m liked and at one point of life, that was all that I ever wanted. At some point, hopes do die, wishes do crumble and people do change.

Trust me, this is not one of my usual hate mails, for I don’t hate you. Surprisingly, hate comes with understanding, just as love, and I feel I’ve never known you, let alone understand you enough to hate you. Indifference works. A lesson I learnt from you, the hard way. I don’t blame myself either. I was stuck with an illusion and that is very human.

Even if given another chance, I cannot be someone who is not me, to get back all that I’ve lost.

Sorry.

With no love lost,
………………. ME

Melodrama

If you are backing off from reading this post after reading the title… Wait ho!! I don’t really blame you coz the last few posts of mine have been too melodramic (A critic rightly pointed out… I’ve could have been the script writer for a Lindsay Lohan movie!) The whole mess was because I was rather taking myself too seriously and thankfully I am too nauseated now looking at my own crappy posts that I decided the “wacky one” should be back…Then again don’t you think that the melodrama is out of my life… Its just I’ve started to use it in some odd places that have given me the kicks (figuratively and literally).

I came up with a new torture scheme to pain people big time… simply coz I am too bored! (*evil grin*) There are standard ‘don’ts’ to observe when talking with some people and they become stronger ‘don’ts’ if the person whom you converse with doesn’t believe in anything more than monosyllabic responses and become superlative ‘don’ts’ when he/she happens to totally feel uncomfortable with the very idea of conversing with you… So all we have to do is to do the don’ts! The starters include being clingy, almost on the verge of tears, taking offence at whatever the opponent says, using as many “LOLs and LMAOs” as possible in totally awkward places, asking inane questions, using the worst PJs you can come up with and finally dragging the non-existent conversation to a point where the opponent’s normal monosyllabic replies turn to good old silence(maybe slamming down of the phone if it’s a phone conversation). The trick is to raise your level of melodrama very slowly (learn it from the operas… start low and end big!) … You could go up to any level depending on your creativity…After the mentioned starters, you could pretend to be drunk, or maybe prophetize the armageddon, or start using some arbit tear-jerker serial’s dialogues but just make sure you appear totally melodramic and that the objective isn’t too obvious! Most of the opponents don’t survive for more than fifteen minutes…If they do… Move on to the next level in which you actually show no mercy… So start weeping out loud, mumbling things incoherently, sing a birthday song if you want to (just make sure you’re still crying while you are singing) or if you want to be totally wacky…do a remix of one of your old favorites the way these desi music directors do them and the rendition should be done while laughing or crying hysterically!
I did forget to mention that this scheme should be used only on
1) People who find indulging in good-natured friendly bantering much beneath them and express their disgust openly about the people who do indulge in them.
2) People whose lives are as spiced up as a loaf of whole wheat bread sans any accompaniments (trust me… you are doing them a favor)
3) People who have this delightful distaste for you (bah… there is no love lost anyways!)
Come to think of it… It is infact one of the most entertaining and harmless ways of getting back at a person who has pained you in the past… Just make sure that you have your sense of humor on the high and don’t do it if you’d feel bad incase they ignore you… So next time you feel very angry or depressed, try this out… it helps!

By the way, I just came across this piece of information. It is proved mathematically that we have 90% probability of breathing atleast one molecule of air that Julius Cesar breathed nearly 2 milleniums ago! (now I know whom to blame for this wretched cold I’ve caught!)

Wisdom....gained!

Feels good to have the time to write something, and I don’t know when I would get the time to do this next. I am really wondering how I became so busy all of a sudden. Infact its been weeks since I had a long leisurely chat with my close buddies. This is not the only reason why I stopped writing. I lacked a muse! Whatever I wrote were just a group of words that were forced from a pen! Time has helped me find a new muse… not as strong as the one I lost, nevertheless a muse! And here are some random thoughts…

When I really felt that the poetess and the kid in me were dead, I met this absolute stranger who gave me hope of rejuvenating them! So here I am attempting at poetry to dedicate to the kid I saw in a bus…

Your smile- its brilliance
Made me forget that we were strangers
Your eyes holding the invite
To look into them and see
That child inside me…
We played a game
Hide and seek
Someday you’d learn that life
Was just a tougher version
Of that same game…
But that moment
I didn’t care about reality
About those funny stares
Those un-raised questions
About the next moment…
For all I wanted to live then
Was the game we played!

Talking about kids, I discovered yet again that wisdom often comes from the mouth of a kid! I am not sure if the person who spoke these lines thought of them himself, or read them somewhere, but I am sure he’d not like being alluded to as a kid! I’m sorry for that… I somehow don’t feel he is a grown up… When talking about someone he said, “Do you know why he is single? That’s because he gives something of himself to everyone but not everything to someone!”…The irony is that a friend of mine asked me the question “Why am I single?” to fill up some contest paper… But it really started a train of thoughts that lead me far from the “George-Clooney-has-not said-yes-yet!” answer I gave her…and Lo! This kid comes up with a fantastic answer(though he was talking about someone else)… It couldn’t be more fitting… I do give something of myself to everyone but I’ve never felt like even being completely me with anyone… That answered another very important question in that had been in my mind for a really long time… Why I never felt very close with anyone… That is because I’ve never given everything to someone! Maybe I’m scared to be completely myself and be hated for that… Maybe I want to make sure that the person is capable of handling it… Maybe I want to test if the person is worthy of getting to know me completely… People here who want to argue that you can never get to know a person completely, I must say you are right because even we don’t know ourselves completely… What I am talking about here is the comfort to express my every thought, not having to fear that I would be judged or hated…The freedom to probe into their lives and the trust to let them probe into mine as much as they want to… I realized that I’m insecure when it comes to any relationship, and the more meaningful it gets, the more insecure I get! So as a defense mechanism, unconsciously I make sure mutual hatred develops when I start liking a person a lot! I’ve hurt some really nice people because of this…and I’m glad some of them decided to still put up with me! Kudos to you all!

And as another friend of mine said, after a very beautiful miracle that made him believe in miracles, “Life is a complicated plot… We’re seeing small portions of it everyday… But even then, sometimes we can’t believe how beautiful it is… I can wait for an eternity to see the whole story!”

Moving on...

Life is all about moving on. A lesson that every passing second seems to whisper in our ears. A truth we forget during those bittersweet moments where we thought time stood still, those moments when life seemed to freeze and we wished it would stay so for eternity. And when these moments pass, we wake up to reality with a feeling of having been woken up with a douse of very cold water. It hurts… but it proves again that life is all about moving on…

Love, just makes the whole thing more painful. Aren’t there times we cursed ourselves for having loved something too much? And aren’t these the times when we try to let them go? The times when we have to move on? Time and time alone heals these wounds…coz like it or not, we keep moving on.

I let go of that which made my yesterday beautiful, that which left my heart bleeding today and that which I may never think of tomorrow. I burn with it, all those memories, of tears and smiles, of mirth and melancholy, of the most subtle things to the deepest promises…everything that was.. and that will never be…

I let go.. with a tear at the corner of my eye, and a faint smile tugging my lips….. I am moving on….

Dusting!

I see my window has been closed for quite some time.. Not that I'd been very busy or anything.. Just that I was a little too lazy to sit and pen my thoughts.. Not that I'm gonna write anything useful either. Just some random musings before I close my window again with a "Not to be opened till Christmas" sign.. Thank GRE for that!

Though I'm supposed have been revising for my semester exams(bah!) from morn, I managed to watch this really cute movie "Aquamarine".. The theme was deceivingly childish.. A mermaid, with the help of two teens, tries to find true love in 3 days!! I thought it was one more of those ridiculous nevertheless entertainly teen flicks.. I admit I was wrong... The movie seemed so in touch with reality, and was so not the usual hollywood masala (yeah.. the guy the mermaid seeks to find true love with doesnt fall in love with her as we all expect, and the movie ends unexpectedly in a beautiful way!) One of the most beautiful dialogues in the film.. or rather one of the best I've ever heard is this.. (the teen tells the mermaid) "You know why we humans go so crazy about love?.. because its the closest thing we have to magic!" Beaut or what?!

I've been exposed to alot of contrasts of late... At one extreme, I was suffocating with the milk of human kindness that seemed to flow so subtly yet so strong from a few people and at the other end, I was shocked by the stark indifference people can extend to those who love them.. May be becoz of this 'weathering' effect or simply becoz I'm bored of being the "nice" kid, I noticed that I've become a little sarcastic (understatement!) and bitchy these days with a noticable reduction in my tolerance level.. Ofcourse I'm not that way with everyone but just with a few unfortunate souls who rub me the wrong way.. And as a result of that... here I am (trying hard to avoid the choicest swear) wishing that a particular pal (?!!) of mine could rot in Hell for being the insolent and irritating jerk he was, having made me waste time in the past and even recently trying to help him! (you know who you are!) Just wanted to declare that I'm totally annoyed and that I regret for ever having known such a nice chap!


Being one of the few remaining singles in my friends circle burdens me with this awful responsibility of throwing some gems of knowledge to the irresponsible committed junta(copmrises aboout 98% of them)..
1) Its not so "uncool" to be single, so please don't go tut tuting and pitying the singles around you, thereby making a bigger fool of yourself
2) We all know that the world revolves only around you two.. Then why the hell do you pull some innocent people into it and cause a big commotion.. Stick to your fantasies and we'll stick on to our lives.
3)If you really feel the rest of us are missing out something great, try not to flaunt your affection by displaying it in public, or ooze in your mobiles.. By doing these you just let us know, we are just missing out on being totally irritating!
God bless you all! Bless us more for having to put up with u!
4) We care about the problems of some near and dear ones, whose tales of woe we listen to with genuine worry and try solving their relationship problems.. This doesnt mean that we singles are just there to be universal agony aunts/uncles.. We will lend our ears and shoulders to those who matter.. and not to everyone!


Good or bad.. changes are inevitable and I'm surfing in the waves of life.. with nothing but uncertainity! Pray for my GRE score to be decent people.. not that it'd guarantee certainity but atleast it wouldn't worsen my uncertainity!

Yesterday.....

I went to sleep last night
With a dream of tomorrow
This morning... I woke up in the same bed
In the same room.. but wait
Everything else had changed
I looked a little older..
Could I have grown up so much in a day?
The dream I slept with yesterday
Was the nightmare I had woken up to
I panic!
I call the number that I've called so often
Familiar voice, unfamiliar person
She had also changed...
I rush out to meet the world...
The world I thought I belonged to...
Only to find that I am a stranger...
The crush I had a day before
Was nowhere in my mind today
The friend I'd shared days with
Was just another person of yesterday..
I scream in silence.. so no one notices
But even if they did.. Would they care?
I dare not ask questions...
The answers may be too much for me to take..
I sleep...
Wishing to wake up to.... yesterday!

Weird me!

I don’t know how I can restrict to 8 weird things about me when everything about me is weird… But having been tagged by Harini… here goes…


8) Time and again I fall in love with some fictitious character.. The list is really long but Ivan (Ukrainian tales), Fredrick aka Fatty (Five Find-Outers), Julian (Famous Five), Darcy (Pride and Prejudice), Sherlock Holmes are some of the characters I have a huge crush on!

7) I always learn a twisted process faster. Like back-hand in tennis or shuttle and back- stroke in swimming. Both my tennis and swimming coaches have told my parents that this was very weird!

6) I have very unpredictable and extreme mood swings.. One instant I’d be sobbing my heart out and the next I’d be laughing like nothing happened! And yeah.. I cry when I’m angry!

5) Whenever I’m nervous, my mind never registers what I’m doing.. I would spend an hour or two talking to some person who gives me the jitters and still not remember a word of the conversation at the end of it!

4) I start singing suddenly, a little loud at times, which kinda freaks out people, especially during the lab or classes..

3) I slap myself on the cheek whenever I do some major mistake!

2) I talk a lot to myself.. and sometimes I get so engrossed in the conversation that the rest of the world is totally blocked out! I’m my own imaginary friend!

1) I love to play really stupid pranks on people… This is something I cant elaborate on.. sorry!

Vacation musings!

Having gone Trans-Atlantic alone and with just a week to lose my teen status... here are some random musings!

When you are sitting in a flight wide awake with some 10 hours to reach your destination, with not-so-interesting in-flight music and movies, mild nausea, an impending threat of missing your connecting flight, a snoring and boring person next to you and absolutely nothing to do... you know how lonely you can feel..

After this, when you step out of the flight and rush out to be greeted by your family... you know what relief is...

When you get hugged by your sibling whom you've missed fighting and conspiring with for the past 2 weeks (who'd never hug you under normal circumstances!) you'll know how it feels to smile and cry at the same time!

When you step into Disney World... you'll see yourself transforming into a kid... involuntarily maybe but certainly!

When you fall asleep in a van with your favorite music playing, after a great day in a park and three siblings already sleeping in your lap and shoulder... you'll get to experience the warmth of true content!

When you see the mechanical life of people in the US, you do thank your Gods for giving you the time to enjoy the small pleasures in life..

When you are in the Maid of the Mist boat in Niagara, in the middle of the Horseshoe Falls... You experience one of the amazing wonders of Nature to the fullest!

When you look out of the window in your plane and enjoy the eagle's view of the city/town... you do tend to feel that you are at the top of the world (figuratively and literally!)

Whenever a souvenir catches your eye, the person whom you want to give it to also flashes in your mind!

When you see how different and indifferent a kid you loved has grown, you feel cold even at 90 degrees Fahrenheit!

When you go in a convertible at night in Manhattan downtown.. you get a picture of what the future world might be!

When you travel in the upper open deck of the tourist bus, you get the 4-D experience of NY in you

To beat this, all you have to do is take a subway train!

You get sick of pizzas and fries after a week of eating nothing but them!

When you land in Chennai after just 3 weeks of being out of the country, you'll find that dirt and garbage strewn here and there will irritate you..

When you get back to your house, you'll get this sense-of-belonging... Yeah! I realized there is no place I'd feel this comfortable!

Face my music

Just wanted to try this out... My mic was bad and I didnt have a karoake player(I'd rather not talk about how my voice is!)... Do hear it and post ur comments..Click on the qidget and wait for some time for the disaster to play!

yamunai.wav

The "Missing" mania

The reason why I'm writing this post at some 10:30 in the night when I would generally be crashing is that.. I just want to get this off my mind... I hate missing anything..people, things..anything!! For some people 'missing' is this slightly melancholy feeling that occasionally troubles them.. For some others 'missing' is the craving for something, craving filled with pain, so much pain that you really can't share unless you have someone who'd patiently hear you weeping and not ask a thing... I am one among the latter... Right now I feel so down.... I miss my parents and sister.. Miss being with them in US.. Both combined together is this devastating feeling of being lonely.. Maternal and Paternal grandparents have been extra nice to me.. taking care of my every whim and fancy when all I could do is put up a pretense of being ok.. I hate myself every time I lose my temper with these sweet old people who despite their age, do so much to keep me comfortable... I miss the old me, the brighter more pleasant and sweeter me, who'd never dream of letting the steam out infront of my grandparents!! Last summer, under similar circumstances, I never felt this uneasy.. Maybe coz I had someone to keep me on my toes... I miss that person.. To people who know me, they know who I'm talking about.. For the rest of you.. It’s not really necessary to know.. This someone had spent so much of money and time to make sure I felt good.. Lent me shoulders to weep on.. Scolded me as much as mom would for wasting time before exams.. and cared for me the way a sibling would.. and those 10 cold days.. this person's care was my blanket.. But now I am not in touch with this person.. We've almost become strangers... I don’t blame the person coz I know its just the circumstances.. I miss this person badly now! I miss some bad old days, when I was content cribbing and crying alone in the dark if I felt bad.. Now I seek the attention and care of another person.. When I don't get it.. I feel miserable!! Picking up my phone and searching the three hundred odd contacts, I can put down the names of 5 people to whom I could call and cry, and who would ofcourse listen to me patiently.. But the point is.. Am I not being selfish?? I've done this so many times to them.. They don’t deserve to be agonized by my misery.. So I stop myself from spoiling their moods... That no way clears mine! I don’t know why missing one thing leads to missing so many things.. I've turned crazy.. I've started missing everything I'd almost forgotten.. My old friends, the old house of my grandparents, my old toys..and what not!! And this culminates into an ocean of depression that seems to drag me in.. Only some good sleep and the impending threat of my 5 remaining exams get me out of this for a while!

If anyone is reading this.. your thoughts right now would be.. "Why is she over-reacting?"- I'm sorry.. I just couldn't help it! and this will lead to the question- "Why blog all this crap?"- I know its wrong to throw open my silly emotions in public, but hey, I just felt like standing atop a hill and shouting this out.. I guess my blog would be almost equal to that.. The action helps relieve you, while you dont really care who heard you and who didn't.. at the same time, if some kind passerby does hear you out.. you'd certainly want to say this to them "God bless you!"

Unspoken words!

I've never spoken in some "interesting" conversations in my life the way I wanted to... Just putting up a few..

These are common conversations.. I get to go through these thrice a year atleast ever since I joined college!

Mr/Mrs X: Do you know 'so-n-so' from your coll?
Me : Which year and dept.. uncle/aunty??(Maybe I do, maybe I don't.. and I really don't give a shit)
Mr/Mrs X: Hmmm... IT..no CSE..Not very sure.. Maybe EEE... I think he/she must be in the second..no.. third...maybe fourth year!
Me : Oh! not really sure uncle/aunty.. will try to find out *polite smile* (Hey.. you could have mentioned all the eleven depts in my coll, why even some 20-30 colls in the country.. if you've no clue what that loser does or where he/she is.. then better not talk about him/her)


A relative: So which course have you taken?
Me : Instrumentation ( I know now why you haven't found anyone else to talk to.. Ask the same question everytime you meet a person.. you'll be termed "plague"!)The relative: So how is the scope for your course?
Me : Its pretty good uncle/aunty..(And what if its not? are you gonna get me a job?)
The relative: You should read very hard and save your family's name.. This is the least you could do to compensate for not being a doctor!
Me: :Sure.. I will try my best!(Yeah.. thanks for such a worthless piece of advice...Throw more of these on the ground and they'd become natural manure!)



Another relative: Ah! you are next in line!
(in a wedding)
Me : I'm just 19 uncle/aunty...I've my UG to finish and PG to work on.. Might take another 5-6 years easily! (Next in line?? To what?? Jumping off the cliff? No way)
The relative : That'll make you 25! half a grandma!
Me (clearly uneasy): I guess right now I dont really have any fixed plans.. Just want to finish my studies...Haven't given a thought about all this (Half-a-grandma?? WTF do you think you are you old fart?)
The relative : Good! Get married soon after UG and then go to US with your husband.. See my daughter.. She is now a happy green-card holder!
Me(very uneasy now): *smile*(Get this straight you ass.. I'm still a kid.. I know what I want and when I want it.. Green-card is not my idea of a great life.. I still don't see how you got married anyways! Must have been the greatest tragedy in your husband's/wife's life!)



Some guys can be real jerks...

Jerk: Do you know "some-arbit-girl"?
Me : I guess I know her...
Jerk: What is her character like?
Me: I don't really know her that well (and even if I did.. I dont have to tell you.. So what if she is a dirty,slimy,bitchy low-life?? You are worse!)



Jerk2: You are Y's friend right?
Me : Yeah!
Jerk2: We need to talk
Me : Ok (?????????)
Jerk2: You might think I'm mad... But I'm deeply in love with Y.. I want you to understand that!
Me : Huh?? (I know for sure that you are mad now! Why are you telling me your sob story? I dont even know you!)
Jerk2: You must talk to her about this and make her understand!
Me : *silent* (I will definitely talk to her.. tell her that you are the last person she should be seen with)Jerk2: Please sister.. Help me
Me :*silent*(If I had a brother like you.. I'd have shot him dead myself.. Buzz off!)


Other common orkut questions like "Can we have friendship?".."Shall we friends?" really draw the choicest swear out of my keyboard.. At times I think a basic English course should be undertaken by these jerks!

And this conversation took place recently... I really wish I answered the way I should have!

My parents' friend(hoping to embarass me): My daughter says you know most of the guys in college.. Is that true??
Me(smiling) : She must have been joking! (You must ask you daughter how well she knows this chap 'X'... I guess they know each other pretty well coz I see them hanging around in the canteen and the road side benches very often!!)

The Real You

You always want to see the "real" person that your loved one is.. Its an insatiable quest.. You sometimes ask them "Who are you? I mean the real you!"... I kept asking that too... Till I read the following lyrics and till I experienced a couple of things

Well we all have a face
That we hide away forever
And we take them out and
Show ourselves
When everyone has gone
Some are satin some are steel
Some are silk and some are leather
They're the faces of the stranger
But we love to try them on


Well we all fall in love
But we disregard the danger
Though we share so many secrets
There are some we never tell
Why were you so surprised
That you never saw the stranger
Did you ever let your lover see
The stranger in yourself?


How could we show others what we never see or never admit.. even to ourselves?
If we showed them the stranger in us.. would they accept him/her?

What if they accept the stranger but we still fail to accept that part of ourself? It still breaks the relationship!

So.. I guess the only thing I want from a person I love is to be what he/she is most comfortable in being.. when he/she is with me...

I dont have the need to see the real you... coz reality is something that never exists beyond your mind!
Reality is what I believe is true.. and that really doesn't depend on you!

Discoveries...

I was told as a kid that when you love something or someone.. I should be proving my love every second for all my life in every way I could..

But I discovered on my own that

Indifference........

...........Increases infatuation
...........Diminishes friendship
...........Doesn't have any effect on true love!

I was told as a kid that crying was a sign of weakness....

But now I discovered that

Crying.......

.............is a sign of deep care to the one you love
.............is a harmless release for the pent up frustration and anger
.............is a plea of helplessness to the one whose attention you want
.............is the flag of truce after a fight.. it is surrendering wholly
.............is my own sweet way of saying "I miss/love/want you" when I really mean it!

I was told as a kid that dreaming was one of the greatest gifts given to a child...

But now I discovered that

Dreaming........

............is a life boat given to mankind to escape the cruelties of reality
............is the one place from where all good things originate!
More discoveries would continue in the days to come......

Funny world!

Sometimes people are funny... very funny

They wish to destroy things that have never been built
They cry coz they've lost something that never belonged to them
They complain that you've changed.. when they never knew the real person
They want to get back.. when your heart is too broken to take anyone in
They dream of happiness and lose precious opportunities to get it
They look for peace everywhere but within
They believe that when they hurt you.. it hurts very little!
They ask you to understand them but they never hear you out

But the best thing is..

They say they empathize with you.. Thats the funniest lie ever!

Funny world.. Cruelly funny world!

God-in the smallest thing..

The result of a Sunday afternoon chat with Thatha and Dad... It started off with Dad talking about nanobots.. And as the discussion went on, Thatha was quoting something from the Vedhas... And a very interesting thought popped up in my mind... I'm just giving the actual thought train in my head.. I hope it makes sense...

When we deal with Great things, it needs greater potentiability and understanding, Superiority is graded in accordance with the subtle nature of things. A subtle thing is superior to a gross things and a subtler thing is superior to a subtle thing. These are stages and degrees of consciousness and more and more of the knowlegde flows in. That is why the sages and seers who are able to see the subtleties of objects through their intellect are known to possess Sukshma Drishti which can behold even the most subtle thing.

The Vedhas deal with two knowledgs- Lower and the Higher (Apara Vidhya and Para Vidhya). The lower knowledge deals with lesser science or secular science. This can only enable people to understand the knowledge pertaining to the universe and the objects what we see, the theory of relativity, the theory of electrons and all human theories for mean to have a sense-life.

Whereas, The Para-Vidhya or Higher Science is to understand the subtler thinsg of life, which cannot be known by the mere assemblage of words. That which cannot be seen nor seize, which has no origin, no properties, neither ears nor eyes, hands or feet, which is eternal, diversely manifested, all pervading, extremely subtle and imperishable, and can only be understood by practicing and knowing this science.

And as we see the world today, it keeps moving towards compactness and subtleness.. Gone are the days when what was making it big was actually making something big. Commercial favorites today are the smallest versions.

The hottest topics in Science & Technology include Nanotechnology, Atomic Energy and Science, Quantum theory.. More perceivable by the more knowledgeable people and a mystery to most..

Look at the potential of the smallest of the smallest 'an atom'.. The amount of energy it can generate.. Its everywhere but no-one has come up with the exact idea of what it is.. And then we have sub-atomic particles.. Smaller than an atom! What would we get if we keep searching for the smallest? Emptiness?? Or Whole?? What would you say 'zero' is?. Nothing or completion??

Why did Prahalad say " He (God) is Omnipresent, in the tiniest speck and also in the most massive structures" and what about the statement "Aham Brahmasmi!' (The Creator lies in me)... According to the most accepted theory of evolution, everything started from an atom and everything is made up of the basic unit- an atom.

And look at the Dasavatharam of Lord Vishnu in order.. It gives the various stages of evolution.. Is there some kind of link between all these? Or are these mere coincidences?

My own conclusion is the "GOD IS AN ATOM" or whatever it is that is the smallest and most basic unit of any substance. In this way I think any form of worship, beliefs, love and theories can be substantiated. This is something even an atheist cannot deny. And when it is so, even self-love is good.. Everything you do, say or perceive is due to God and is directed to the Creator! It made so much sense to me... What do you say?

A friend has given the following justifications for my theory

This is in Second Mundaka, Second khanda, second point "That which is brilliant, smaller than small, that on which the worlds are founded and their inhabitants, that is the indestructible Brahman"Another trans"That which is radiant, subtler than the subtle, That by which all the worlds and their inhabitants are supported—That, verily, is the indestructible Brahman"

Dreams/nightmares Tag

Tagged by my dear akka Sri... I'm gonna share some of my not-so-interesting nevertheless true dreams I've had..

I'm known to be a little psychic(yeah.. its true) so around 60% of my dreams come true.. Its very very scary at times.. esp when I've dreams like this...

I'm trapped in a room of mirrors.. The walls, ceiling and floor are all mirrors.. I dont know which one is a door.. I'm struggling to get out, pounding desperately on the walls, crying all the time and breathing keeps getting tougher.. Then the walls start closing in, and I faint/die with one last cry...

If this was scary then here comes the scarier one..

I'm sitting on my bed.. Someone knocks on the door.. I let them in.. I'm a little surprised to see that person but still I know the person too well.. That person says nothing but suddenly pulls a pillow and presses it on my face.. I struggle to escape but I'm strangely helpless and held-back by god-knows-what.. Just before I die, moon-light falls on the person's face, who is smiling very serenely and my last thoughts are "Why should you kill me..?" I've had this nightmare a couple of times.. Every time I wake up very sad rather than scared.. I see that face very clearly during the last few seconds but I forget who it is when I wake up.. Good that I don't remember!

Coming to the pleasant stuff.. I've had dreams like me winning a fashion parade(came true!) me tripping and falling down in front of a huge crowd after receiving the crown(thank god this didn't happen! most embarassing!) becoming the CEO of Taj Hotels(wish this comes true ;) ) but the best dream is something abstract and gives me maximum happiness when dreaming and a great sense of peace when I wake up..

I'm sitting near a small brook writing something in a small yellow notebook... I'm surrounded by a big meadow full of flowers.. The sky is clear and the air is mildly scented.. There is no one around for miles together.. Snow capped mountains in a distance.. I get up and walk to a small cottage(which I assume is mine).. Its really small but very pretty, covered with flowering creepers, a small vegetable garden behind and yeah.. really sweet.. I get inside and I start singing(a very nice song which I dont seem to remember once I wake up :( ) And then someone joins me in the cottage and we both keep singing(I guess its the song I wrote near the brook coz I'm holding the yellow book.. Dont remember who sings with me either!) Then I decide to come home and I step into the brook.. A wave(?!!) magically appears and carries me down the meadow, suddenly my house's staircase appears, it carries me up the stairs and gently puts me on my bed.. and then sprinkles a few drops on my face.. thats when I wake up..

Felt really good writing this tag.. Hope to come up with more sometime... People will be tagged if asked..

50 things you get to know abt me!

Tagged by Keshav.. It a rather enjoyable post to do.. but me being in a bad mood today.. This is how it turns out.. I'll tag people on request


1. Were you named after anyone?
My official name is not after anyone but the other name is that of the diety of Srirangam- Ranganayaki

2. Do you wish on stars?
Ofcourse I do!

3. When did you last cry?
This morning... The mistress of screw-ups has to cry.. right?

4. Do you like your handwriting?
Yeah.. I guess so.. It varies according to my moods.. Good or bad.. its unique.. Like me ;)

5. What is your favourite meat?
Reframe the question... I am my sister's fav meat :P

6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?
Dont have any such CDs... But might buy a copy of "dirty dancing" to answer this question :P

7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?
Yeah yeah.. I certainly deserve me as a friend!(NTPK)

8.Are you a daredevil?
Shockingly, at times, yes!

9. How do you release anger?
I cry.. Thats my favorite option.. Or I take a shower..

10. Where is your second home?
I belong only in my real home.. I dont see a second home.. Sorry..

11. Do you trust others easily?
Used to.. Now I guess I'm becoming wary

12. What was your favourite toy as a child?
Mine was Mary..my doll in a wedding gown.. Thats till I was 5.. Then.. I had a new fav toy a year!

13. What class in school/college do you think is totally useless?
I think all the subjects in school were important... In coll.. everything is useless!

14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I do sometimes... U tell me!

15. Have you ever been in a mosh pit?
Depends on your prespective of a mosh pit.. A couple of conerts I've attended we've sorta done some moshing!

16.What do you look for in a gal(/guy)?
Quite alot.. I dont think I'll go in detail.. Decent looks, good sense of humor, smart, intelligent and yeah a big leevl of tolerance(or he cant ut up with me)

17. Would you bungee jump?
Definitely.. Its in my agenda!

18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
Never.. Always gets on my mom's nerves!

19.what's your favourite ice cream?
Vanilla. Butter scotch. Chocolate... In the order

20. What are your favourite colours?
Black, yellow, peach

21. What are your least favourite things?
Big list.. sorry

22. How many people do you have a crush on right now?
he he he... Why didn't I face this question before? a time I might have given interesting answers.. As of now.. No one :(

23. Who do you miss most right now?
The spark that was in me.. which is now all gone!

24. What are you listening to right now?
The fan, TV from downstairs and my own lil conscience asking me to do something constructive

25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?
Black or yellow

26. What is the weather like right now?
Pleasant... It might rain..

27. Last person you talked to on the phone?
The person who tagged me

28. The "first" thing you notice about the opposite sex?
Eyes... or smile...

29. Do you like the person who sent you this?
I suppose I should :P

30. How are you today?
Miserable... Screwed up a performance... And I feel like I'm the biggest jackass on earth..

31. Favourite non alcoholic drink?
Butter milk, sweet lime juice and vanilla milk shake.. In the order

32. Favourite alcoholic drink?
Benadryl rocks! Gin comes to a close second ;)

33. Natural hair colour?
Brown

34. Eye colour?
Brown

35. Wear contacts?
No..

36. Siblings?
One angel in disguise.. My lil sis! Love u baby!

37. Favourite month?
July... The month of birthdays!

38.Favourite food?
Anything tastes good when I'm hungry.. But I love paruppu samadham(dhal rice) with french fries any day! vathal kozhambu is a bonus!

39. Favourite day of the year?
July 6th... I'm a so self centred!

40. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?
I've not met anyone that dashing.. but if I do... I might be a lil shy.. Not for too long!

41. Scary movies or happy endings?
Happy Endings.. I'm a sucker for happy endings

42. Summer or winter?
Love and hate both equally

43. Holi or Diwali?
Diwali.. The best time of the year

44. Do you like your name?
Yes! Smart and cool.. so unlike me though

45. What book/magazine are you reading?
Rule of four by Dustin Thomasan and someone else... Awesome!

46. What's on your mouse pad?
The Registry- Omaha

47. What did you watch on TV last night?
Charlie and the Chocolate factory.. wasnt very happy with that movie

48. Favourite Smell?
Baby lotion/soap, jasmine

49. Have you ever regretted breaking up with someone?
Broke up with a couple of friends.. very painful... but never regretted it... Am regretting not breaking with a friend now..

50. Most tiresome thing you’ve ever experienced/done?
Attended class after a 1 hour sleep and that too with high fever.. Horrible!

A short story on Valentine's day...

Guys.. Gimme a good title for this one and ofcourse your reviews!

It was almost 5 pm, a very beautiful evening in a lovely park. Scent of flowers, pleasant breeze and probably an ideal ambience for the couples there, who were 'planning' for Val's day, which was just a week away. Shankar was an exception. He was waiting nervously near the entrance, looking into his watch frequently, and despite the cool breeze, sweating. Priya, his girlfriend for the past 3 years, had called him that morning, from a public booth (or so he guessed) and in a troubled tone, had asked him to wait near the entrance of the park at 5 pm and had cut the phone abruptly.

Priya walked in exactly at 5pm. Shankar, relief surging through him, rushed out to greet her. But she motioned him to be silent, looked around, caught him arm and literally dragged him as quick as she could to their favorite bench. This bench was where they had met often during the 3 years and it held many special memories. But on that day, Priya broke down weeping! "My parents know!” she wailed,” I don’t think I can come out of the house again un-noticed". A painful silence prevailed. "They've fixed my engagement with Tilak tomorrow.. Even now, I had to sneak out of the house when everyone was busy with the preparations.. I can’t stay here too long.. I must leave now.. I really don’t know what to do..I feel like dying Shankar... ". Shankar put his arm around her and hung his head, searching for the right words. "Shall we get married now? I mean right now!". Priya looked up, looked right into his eyes and said, "I cant come against my parents' wishes.. You know that.. That’s why I waited all this time.. I just cant Shankar!" and starts sobbing again. With only her sobs breaking the silence, time froze for a few minutes. Shankar then said, with all the determination he could muster "Lets part now! I know it’s hard on both of us but it'll be harder if you stay longer.. Go and marry Tilak, Priya! We may have failed as lovers, but at least lets satisfy our parents and make them happy.. Go on.. Don’t look back!". Priya got up reluctantly, gave him one last look and hurried home. Shankar sighed heavily and closed his eyes.

A week later...

It was Valentine's Day and Trojan Cafe; the hot spot for the town's couples was brimming with people. Seated beside his new girlfriend Sheela, Shankar hardly looked the grief-stricken, heart-broken lover. Priya walked in with her fiancé Tilak. Her eyes met Shankar's and then was a brief sad smile in both their lips. Shankar's smile broadened as soon as her back turned. It became smug! "It worked perfectly", he thought.” I’d been planning this for a month and the time came only a week before when Priya's mom picked the phone. Though I knew it was her mom, I continued talking as if I thought it was Priya, coz I know she'd be caught and we'd have to split up. Priya became boring of-late and after I met Sheela, my feelings for her died. And to think, we talked about marriage some two weeks back! Phew!" and he puts his arm lovingly on a beaming Sheela.

The focus is now on Priya who is rather happily chatting with her fiancé. She seems to be a perfectly normal radiant bride-to-be. Inside she is thinking "Not bad.. It really worked! How could have I ever fallen in love with Shankar? Such a pathetic loser! It struck me only when he talked about marriage that I've gotten myself into a trap. And the only way to escape unscathed is to 'get caught' at home so that they'd get me married to Tilak soon giving Shankar no chance to stop my wedding... And the only way to get caught was to put my mobile where it can catch mom's eyes and stay off the place for some time... It really worked!".. She smiled sweetly at Tilak who was discussing the Visa procedure with her..