Sunday, February 05, 2006

Reunion and Reconcilation!

“There is one day when the Past shall meet your Future…”
I guess I was so busy trying to settle down in college that I really missed out on looking back at my school life. Didn’t regret much for it either till one day, when a post-card arrived, inviting me for the Annual Old Student Reunion.

One might have expected me to feel rather happy at getting a chance to bury a few ghosts, but trust me I was scared. I felt guilty for feeling scared…sad for feeling guilty and yeah, ended up in a big emotional turmoil. Mom, being an old student of the school herself, suggested that I go (along with a few sarcastic remarks on my plans of spending the day) and this surely didn’t help me feel better… I didn’t know what was troubling me so badly, but I needed an outlet. So when dad was dropping me in the bus-stand, I came out with a confession… I burst out telling “Dad, this whole reunion thingy makes me feel like going out to dine with an ex-husband!”

The natural reaction anyone might expect of my dad was a big guffaw at the pathetic statement I made. But thank God, he really understood what I was trying to say. Going back to school, especially for a reunion meant so many things to me… It meant reliving memories both good and bad, laughing at the old jokes, crying for the lost opportunities, meeting so many people who would bring back so many things that I had always wished to bury. This is painful, but then that pain made me realize that I was attached to me school more that I ever imagined myself to be, emotionally, spiritually though at present not physically.

I decided to go… It was a decision that came from deep within my heart and with my head approving it. And I went… The colour of the day was Purple, and as I donned that dress I couldn’t help thinking about the times I had worn it to school…It was considered one of my lucky dresses and I had worn it for a couple of plays…This brought back memories of those long practice sessions, the bunking of classes, being yelled at in the staff-room for having made too much of noise, bad grades and the unexpected good ones, friends, chatting, lunch in the corridors, canteen, breaks and every little heartache. I wanted to quit. This was getting emotional and I certainly didn’t want to cry. Nevertheless, it was too late, for I was in the car with mom, on the way to school.

The moment I saw the old arc bearing the name of my school in bold letters, I experienced the same anxiety… My hand automatically reached out for my school bag to pull out my notebook and check for incomplete homework. Gently chided myself for being so nervous. The memories started crowding and drowning my senses… Seeing my batch mates, my seniors and my teachers, I felt numb, the numbness that comes after too experiencing too many emotions… But then this cleared and surprisingly I felt happy… Happy to be back where I was always cherished, happy to meet my past, happy to see those old buccaneers (Arrrrr… We were old sea scums!) and most happy to reconcile with the past!

The reunion was a very enjoyable one (we kept commenting during the biz meet which we hadn’t dared to do in our school days, and shrieking during the games). I of course won a couple of games (three out of the four games held…hey, I’m being modest!) and was envied once more by all my friends (boy, am I good or what!)…When I read my winning caption for the year “When we look back at the times we cried we will laugh now, but when we look back at the times we laughed together, it will bring tears” I meant every word…I was too engrossed in conversation to notice what I had for lunch, but overall, it was a great day… My mobile contacts list was doubled, my spirits renewed, old memories relived and as I passed the statue of Our Lady, I knew that my heart had a special place for my Alma Mater and that I would always trace my roots back there! Vive JOSA!