An arbit esoteric letter

Dear YOU……,

I haven’t written a letter in a very long time. I know I must conventionally start it with a “How are you?” as I intend to make this a conventional letter, but then again, I haven’t gone past that question in the past few months. Not that I don’t have anything more to ask. On the contrary, I’m so full of questions. Questions to which I’m ready to face the answers. Questions that can be answered only by you. But I’d rather let them go unvoiced. For I know you’d choose to ignore them, the way you ignore anything that concerns me.

I don’t have to explain why I did things the way I did them. I found them fit and I’m sure you don’t care. Saves a lot of meaningless words. Saves me the trouble of mailing you this letter and wishing you’d read it. You might ask me, if ever you read this, why I bothered to pen such an esoteric letter and blog it. Its simply because I wanted to. You’d never realize how happy it makes me to do just what I want to do, and not care how you’d feel about it. I’ve tried and tried real hard, to be accepted by you, to be someone you like, to be told that I’m liked and at one point of life, that was all that I ever wanted. At some point, hopes do die, wishes do crumble and people do change.

Trust me, this is not one of my usual hate mails, for I don’t hate you. Surprisingly, hate comes with understanding, just as love, and I feel I’ve never known you, let alone understand you enough to hate you. Indifference works. A lesson I learnt from you, the hard way. I don’t blame myself either. I was stuck with an illusion and that is very human.

Even if given another chance, I cannot be someone who is not me, to get back all that I’ve lost.

Sorry.

With no love lost,
………………. ME