Melodrama

If you are backing off from reading this post after reading the title… Wait ho!! I don’t really blame you coz the last few posts of mine have been too melodramic (A critic rightly pointed out… I’ve could have been the script writer for a Lindsay Lohan movie!) The whole mess was because I was rather taking myself too seriously and thankfully I am too nauseated now looking at my own crappy posts that I decided the “wacky one” should be back…Then again don’t you think that the melodrama is out of my life… Its just I’ve started to use it in some odd places that have given me the kicks (figuratively and literally).

I came up with a new torture scheme to pain people big time… simply coz I am too bored! (*evil grin*) There are standard ‘don’ts’ to observe when talking with some people and they become stronger ‘don’ts’ if the person whom you converse with doesn’t believe in anything more than monosyllabic responses and become superlative ‘don’ts’ when he/she happens to totally feel uncomfortable with the very idea of conversing with you… So all we have to do is to do the don’ts! The starters include being clingy, almost on the verge of tears, taking offence at whatever the opponent says, using as many “LOLs and LMAOs” as possible in totally awkward places, asking inane questions, using the worst PJs you can come up with and finally dragging the non-existent conversation to a point where the opponent’s normal monosyllabic replies turn to good old silence(maybe slamming down of the phone if it’s a phone conversation). The trick is to raise your level of melodrama very slowly (learn it from the operas… start low and end big!) … You could go up to any level depending on your creativity…After the mentioned starters, you could pretend to be drunk, or maybe prophetize the armageddon, or start using some arbit tear-jerker serial’s dialogues but just make sure you appear totally melodramic and that the objective isn’t too obvious! Most of the opponents don’t survive for more than fifteen minutes…If they do… Move on to the next level in which you actually show no mercy… So start weeping out loud, mumbling things incoherently, sing a birthday song if you want to (just make sure you’re still crying while you are singing) or if you want to be totally wacky…do a remix of one of your old favorites the way these desi music directors do them and the rendition should be done while laughing or crying hysterically!
I did forget to mention that this scheme should be used only on
1) People who find indulging in good-natured friendly bantering much beneath them and express their disgust openly about the people who do indulge in them.
2) People whose lives are as spiced up as a loaf of whole wheat bread sans any accompaniments (trust me… you are doing them a favor)
3) People who have this delightful distaste for you (bah… there is no love lost anyways!)
Come to think of it… It is infact one of the most entertaining and harmless ways of getting back at a person who has pained you in the past… Just make sure that you have your sense of humor on the high and don’t do it if you’d feel bad incase they ignore you… So next time you feel very angry or depressed, try this out… it helps!

By the way, I just came across this piece of information. It is proved mathematically that we have 90% probability of breathing atleast one molecule of air that Julius Cesar breathed nearly 2 milleniums ago! (now I know whom to blame for this wretched cold I’ve caught!)