Wisdom....gained!

Feels good to have the time to write something, and I don’t know when I would get the time to do this next. I am really wondering how I became so busy all of a sudden. Infact its been weeks since I had a long leisurely chat with my close buddies. This is not the only reason why I stopped writing. I lacked a muse! Whatever I wrote were just a group of words that were forced from a pen! Time has helped me find a new muse… not as strong as the one I lost, nevertheless a muse! And here are some random thoughts…

When I really felt that the poetess and the kid in me were dead, I met this absolute stranger who gave me hope of rejuvenating them! So here I am attempting at poetry to dedicate to the kid I saw in a bus…

Your smile- its brilliance
Made me forget that we were strangers
Your eyes holding the invite
To look into them and see
That child inside me…
We played a game
Hide and seek
Someday you’d learn that life
Was just a tougher version
Of that same game…
But that moment
I didn’t care about reality
About those funny stares
Those un-raised questions
About the next moment…
For all I wanted to live then
Was the game we played!

Talking about kids, I discovered yet again that wisdom often comes from the mouth of a kid! I am not sure if the person who spoke these lines thought of them himself, or read them somewhere, but I am sure he’d not like being alluded to as a kid! I’m sorry for that… I somehow don’t feel he is a grown up… When talking about someone he said, “Do you know why he is single? That’s because he gives something of himself to everyone but not everything to someone!”…The irony is that a friend of mine asked me the question “Why am I single?” to fill up some contest paper… But it really started a train of thoughts that lead me far from the “George-Clooney-has-not said-yes-yet!” answer I gave her…and Lo! This kid comes up with a fantastic answer(though he was talking about someone else)… It couldn’t be more fitting… I do give something of myself to everyone but I’ve never felt like even being completely me with anyone… That answered another very important question in that had been in my mind for a really long time… Why I never felt very close with anyone… That is because I’ve never given everything to someone! Maybe I’m scared to be completely myself and be hated for that… Maybe I want to make sure that the person is capable of handling it… Maybe I want to test if the person is worthy of getting to know me completely… People here who want to argue that you can never get to know a person completely, I must say you are right because even we don’t know ourselves completely… What I am talking about here is the comfort to express my every thought, not having to fear that I would be judged or hated…The freedom to probe into their lives and the trust to let them probe into mine as much as they want to… I realized that I’m insecure when it comes to any relationship, and the more meaningful it gets, the more insecure I get! So as a defense mechanism, unconsciously I make sure mutual hatred develops when I start liking a person a lot! I’ve hurt some really nice people because of this…and I’m glad some of them decided to still put up with me! Kudos to you all!

And as another friend of mine said, after a very beautiful miracle that made him believe in miracles, “Life is a complicated plot… We’re seeing small portions of it everyday… But even then, sometimes we can’t believe how beautiful it is… I can wait for an eternity to see the whole story!”